About Lenn

I write about my personal thoughts, experiences, and bookish fixations.

Farewell, Tito Aries

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Yesterday was such a shock to all of us. We lost a very good friend, an awesome person and a strong, undaunted investigative reporter.

I have always looked up to you for being so fearless when it comes to knowing the truth. I have always loved writing but when I met you and learned the way you write your articles and reports, I’ve been much more eager to be just like you. It was just too bad that I didn’t take up Journalism.

You were such a blessing to everyone around you. You were always willing to help in every way you can, you’d go out of your way when one of your friends needs someone to talk to, you’re truly one of a kind. You were such a good person and I guess, it’s true that good people go to heaven early.

You’re only 45, so, so young. Death stole you too soon. You’re still having the time of your life, we’re still learning from everything you impart. Everyone misses you already, Tito Aries.

We went to your wake this afternoon. The first time I looked at you inside the coffin, I was still hoping that everyone would start laughing and tell me that this was all a bad joke, but none of it ever happened. You’re really gone. When I was about to turn my back on you and walk towards the nearest chair, for a second, for a split second I thought your lips curled into a smile and that immediately made me look at you again. You looked as if you were just sleeping and playing a big bad joke on us. My mom, beside me, said, “Aries, gising na. Ang haba na ng tulog mo.” And again, for a split second I thought your eyes moved a bit and if I was in a different person’s wake, I would literally run out, screaming, but with you, I didn’t get scared. I actually wanted you to wake up. I really wanted to believe that you were just sleeping but you weren’t. Everyday, I would have to convince myself that you are gone…

I know you’re going to be safe and happy up there, but it just hurts to lose someone like you. But with all that being said, I thank you for being one of my strongest inspiration when it comes to writing. Thank you for simply existing. Everyone who knew you are blessed. This isn’t goodbye, we’ll see you again in the next lifetime, Tito Aries! And while we’re waiting, when you finally get to heaven, please write a story of how beautiful it is in person. I’ll read it when I get there! Have a safe trip to heaven, Tito! ❤

Source: dustypromises

The Last

Posted on 08/30/2015 by Lenn

Writing has always been some sort of emotional therapy for me. And so I believe that writing these feelings down can ease whatever I am feeling right now.

I’ve always believed in second chances and maybe that was the reason why I chose to work things out with you last year. Now that I know the truth, looking back at everything, I realized that maybe not everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe it should only be given to someone who is sincere and determined to make things right. I was so stupid to ever think that you could still change. You are hopeless.

Honestly, I just regret wasting another year on someone who didn’t even deserve to be forgiven in the first place. I should’ve listened to everyone before, I shouldn’t have settled for less. Your words remained words. Well, I guess, what do I expect from someone like you? I knew I didn’t deserve to be treated that way, no girl deserves to, but I was stupid because of everything you said. Now I know that guys like you aren’t to be trusted.

To make things clear, I am not hurt because I still love you. Damn, no. I’m done with that, I’m hurt because people like you take advantage of other people who did nothing but love and fight for you and quite frankly, what I feel towards you are more of anger and disgust than love and pity. It’s been almost two months since that day, I never messaged or called you after the first two days. I got so fed up of you doing that to me that I finally learned how to deal with it. I didn’t chase you anymore because I was so fucking tired of doing that. I used to do that, but surprise, surprise, I grew the fuck up and realized my worth. I tried my hardest to move on but you were the one who kept calling and leaving random messages. And that, I admit, confused me a bit. But with everything that I found out last night, well, it just proved how much of an asshole you are.

You are a living and walking hell and I am so sorry for anyone who will ever love you in the future. One thing I know is that I am glad that you’re finally out of my life. I am finally free and I can finally be happy. I never truly believed that letting go was the easiest way out, until today.

You were asking for my forgiveness but you never for one bit thought of how fucking big the damage you’ve caused have been? You are a self-centered bastard and I can’t believe that I loved someone like you. I don’t know you anymore. You turned into a fucking monster and now you don’t know how to change it.

From this day on, I promise to put myself first. Call me selfish but I’ve been putting others first for far too long and all I earned from doing that was deep scars and bruises from bullets that were fired by the exact person I was trying to save and protect. It’s time to put myself first, it’s time to save myself from the monster and the nightmare that is you.

This serves as the last and final letter I will write about you and for you. You don’t deserve that power over me anymore.

I AM SO DONE, GOOD BYE.

Milk Tea Date 101

Posted on 12/21/2014 by Lenn

The real plan was having dinner at one of Alabang’s new restaurant, but decided to just hang somewhere near our place because we all bet there’d be a lot of people in the mall since the holidays are getting nearer. So we went to this milk tea place that I’ve been eyeing every time I pass by Rosario.

We actually just chatted and talked about so many random stuff. It’s been a while since we last saw each other and it just fascinates me every time that despite not constantly seeing each other, nothing really ever changes between our friendship. It remains as constant as the world. And that is really one thing I treasure the most.

It’s always a good time with these people. So much love, guys. I missed you all.

Saturday Getaway!

Posted on 10/22/2014 by Lenn

Last Saturday, I woke up late since it’s kind of the only rest I’ve had in weeks. I was about to order McDelivery when my Aunt called me and asked me if I wanted to come with them for lunch. And of course, being the “Tita’s girl” that I am, I went with them! Plus, I love being around my baby cousins.

We went to Nuvali and ate at Buffalo’s Wings and Things. I wasn’t able to take a picture of the food though, we were all too hungry for that! Hahahaha. But it was all good, except for the flavor of the chicken fingers my aunt chose. Lol. Loved their blue cheese sauce, though!

What I took a picture of though, was the dessert! “The” NY Cheesecake Ice Cream! It was freakingly and gushingly heavenly!

And then we just roamed around since my cousins has only been there twice. We rode the boat thingy and fed fishes!! I felt like I was a kid again. Heehee

And then we ate at Starbucks before we left! Heehee

Well, that’s it! 🙂 Used my extra time to update and post this family lunch date with them. ♥

Posted on 09/26/2014 by Lenn

My greatest frustration about myself is that I never really know how to control my feelings. When I love you, I love you all the way. It’s like, I always wear my heart on my sleeve for people to see and throw the most beautiful words possible for me to get too attached and when I do, they suddenly turn into a whole different person and I am left shattered and hopeless, gasping for air and love that I once thought was there.

And the worst part? Heartbreak after heartbreak, I still fall for the same cycle, the same scenario in hopes that maybe, just maybe, this one’s different. But they never really are.

Book Review: The Sea of Tranquility by Katja Millay

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So I finished reading this book today, I loved it! And I really really wish they’d make a movie out of this. Hihi!

This book made me realize that no matter how fucked up and messed up people may seem, they’d always find something or someone who’ll help them keep their sanity.

Source: dustypromises

Heart VS Brain

Posted on 07/25/2014 by Lenn

A lot of people kept saying that you should listen to your brain instead of your heart, because following your heart usually just leads you to getting hurt and taken for granted. But I’ve always admired the heart most, people may say that always listening to your heart would lead you nowhere and that you’re stupid for always chasing someone who doesn’t really appreciate all the efforts you did for them. But on the other hand, did anyone ever thought about how stronger the heart is?

The brain would usually tell you to stop because you’re going to get hurt, because you’re not going to get what you want and you’re just wasting your time on things or people that doesn’t even care about you. But the heart knows about that too, that the people you’re wasting time on doesn’t really appreciate anything you do, but it still goes on. It still chooses to love them, it still keeps going no matter how shattered it already is, because the heart is strong enough to chase after the things and people that it beats for while the brain kept telling you things to back out because it’s always usually just scared. The brain doesn’t want to go through challenges while the heart is selfless enough to do everything even if it means being broken.

Glenda

Posted on 07/19/2014 by Lenn

I’m sure the name deserves to be the title of this post, after four freaking days of not having electricity. Damn, that typhoon even deserves a standing ovation from boredom.

Anyway, I’ve been really really on the edge of cutting my wrist out of boredom. Loljk! The past four days has been the most unproductive days of my whole existence as of today.

I was actually considering that we won’t have electricity until the 22nd but thank God for today! We’ve been really having a hard time during the evenings and the likes. But hey, the good thing about the non-electricity days were that I started reading The Sea of Tranquility and I’m almost half done, I didn’t start right after the electricity has gone out but last Thursday. And so far, I’m loving it! I’ve tried reading it a few times before but I can’t quite figure out why I can’t seem to push further than Chapter 1. But oh well, there really is a time for everything!

I’ve been really eager to have the electricity back because I can’t stand not being able to have distractions. The past four days has been really crucial for me, since I am left all afternoon and evening with my thoughts. And I tell you, my thoughts aren’t really the friendly type. They could kill me by letting me choke on all the memories I have and I could actually go on and on thinking where we could have gone wrong and I swear, it’ll leave me crazy.

So that’s how I dealt with all the shit that typhoon brought us. But I’m still thankful because there are other people suffering without a home or a shelter to stay in, and I’ve been really guilty for having to complain for not having electricity but I’d be a hypocrite if I tell everyone how okay it is to not have electricity because we all know that’s not true. But anyway, I will be praying for everyone.

(I took photos after the storm and of other things during the black out, but the camera’s with my brother and I don’t want to mess with him right now because he has loads of things to do for school, so here’s a plain text post instead.)

Posted on 07/10/2014 by Lenn

Beautifully written articles are my inspiration to chase after my dream of inspiring the world with my thoughts. I just love stumbling over a blog with great content, and having to read how they started always gives me hope that one day my dream will come true.

I may not have taken up journalism, nor will I be one of the greatest journalist and/or writer, but having to inspire people with this blog will always be enough for me.

Six Rules for Newly Weds

Posted on 07/05/2014 by Lenn

Always say ‘I love you’ to each other.

Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.

Say at least one compliment to your partner everyday.

Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

If one of you has to win an argument, let it be the maid.

Never bring up past mistakes when in an argument, it will only worsen the situation.

I’ve attended a wedding today and the bride’s father included this on his speech. It really actually made sense even if he made a joke about some of it.

Lenn of Spades ♠

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About Lenn