What’s with Writing?

Day in and day out, all I do is write. A lot of people would ask me, “What is it with writing that you adore so much?” The truth is, I’ve tried and tried, but I could never come up with the perfect answer or explanation for that particular question because, really, it had me thinking, what is it with writing that I love so much?

When I am writing, the world seemed limitless and so were my words. Somehow, I feel like when I am in front of my laptop, my hands perfectly coordinate with my keyboard – as if the words flow naturally. It’s like inhaling life itself and penning them down to make every unexpected moment frozen in time.

Every composition is written with a trinket of my blood – siphoning every bit of my heart so I could come up with the perfect prose, the perfect article, the perfect letter – each article symbolizes a different battle scar. So when I write about love, I hope you know that each article took a lot of digging deep into the depths of my heart – every article took a piece of my heart to justify your presence in my midst.

Remember that pens are mightier than swords and each layer I peel out from myself to write about the magnificence of your existence in my life – how your scars are nothing but blemishes to a flawless exterior or how your stare felt like the sun touching my skin or how your smile can turn a stormy day into summer – I am slowly putting down my shield.

You see, every story I write is a moment of weakness; it’s as if I am letting you peek straight into my soul – as if I am slowly destroying the walls surrounding my heart – and slowly opening up to you and to the world before us.

What are you most afraid of?

There is another me in a different dimension where I do not feel like this. Another dimension where my heart fits perfectly into my chest and I am not afraid of the things that make me feel alive.

It sucks that I live in this world where everything feels like it’s going to tear me apart. It’s like I’m always waiting for something to snap — for the sky to fall, for the ground to break, for myself to keep falling into an infinite abyss — always waiting for something to crash.

Love taught me that at one point in time, everyone I’ve ever loved had taken a part of me and nothing will ever be left for myself but the bruises, scars, and burns. Continue reading

Heart On My Sleeve, Etc.

I’ve always been someone who wears her heart on her sleeve; someone who loves with all her heart. But growing up, I realized that the downfall of it all is that you let people see parts of you that you can’t get back, parts of you that only you know about; you let them see your fears, and think that they will share it with you, to lessen what you’re feeling, but in reality, you just let yourself be vulnerable to more pain.

It’s ironic that I get to write about all these things, yet I keep going in circles. I’ve always loved love and all the things that come with it — laughter, sadness, happiness, tears — but love isn’t supposed to be complicated, though love isn’t easy either. Love will throw challenges, obstacles, and trials that if you’re not strong enough to conquer, you’ll lose everything you’ve worked hard for.

I can say this over and over again, but most of the time, I go back in circles — I chicken out of being strong. Fear is eating me up, and I badly wanted to run from it and just get rid of this sinking feeling that I’ll eventually end up in tears but I don’t know how to fight it.

It sucks that deep inside, I know that the only reason I’m so sad and tired is because I keep letting fear take over me and I know what to do, yet why does it feel so hard to do so? Why does it feel so hard to just let things be?

On Becoming a Better Writer

Now, I am, by no means, the best writer in the world nor do I claim to be — I don’t think I am even half there. There are still so much room for improvement, learning, and more practice.

Writing, for me, is not only a hobby that I cannot let go of but my way of pouring out my thoughts and feelings. I find it therapeutic; the way it helps me clear my mind and make me feel like someone is listening even though I am only facing this blank, white page that will soon be filled with my words. Continue reading

Opposites

We are two different people.
You’re bold and I’m almost always hesitant,
you’re outgoing and I’m shy around other people,
you’re quiet and I talk endlessyly about everything.
It’s crazy how sometimes the most contradicting thing
create beauty when collided.

You speak your mind out, frankly but tenderly at the same time
and I keep mine shut, I don’t share what I feel deep inside,
but I do pour everything out on paper.

You never fail to remind me that storms don’t last forever,
and that I can handle every challenge that comes my way.
You’ve always been the one who pushes me to do good–better.
You’ve always been the only one who believes in me when I keep doubting myself.
Your love has been my strength when I am weak.

We are different–opposites in so many ways.
Our thoughts, our views, the way we listen and understand,
the way we think and learn but what’s important is that we let each other in.
We accept each other’s difference–wholly.
We are so different, but damn, do we love each other.

Maybe it doesn’t matter that we’re so different,
maybe what matters is how at the end of each day,
all we wanna do is be with each other and share our thoughts.
no matter how different and opposite they are.
Maybe opposites do attract each other;
and maybe being two completely different person is a good thing,
because then we could fight for each other and find more ways to love each other.

You Are My Moon, My Sun and All of My Stars

You are my entire galaxy – everything about you is scattered all over my mind when we’re apart and I can’t seem to shake them off, and I don’t want to. I do not know when it all started, all I know is that I can never get you out of my system. Every time we’re apart, all I wanna do is be right next to you.

Time has flown so quickly. I lost count of how many times I’ve told you how thankful I am to have you and I don’t care. I will tell you everyday if I have to, I just want you to know that you are honestly one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me this year, and in my whole life. I’ve waited so long for someone to love me so genuinely, not knowing that I’ve already crossed paths with him long ago.

You are a touch of heaven on earth and I will love and love and love you and as long as you’re staying, I will never let you go. 

I Want To Be The Love ‘You Just Know’

They say that when you find your one great love, you just know.
It will hit you hard,
Like a rock thrown straight at you,
Like a race car on its way to the finish line,
Like a hot coffee on an eager tongue,
Like the sound of your alarm clock in the morning,
waking you up from a deep sleep.

I want to be the love that ‘you just know,’
The one that was so unexpected,
The one that you didn’t see coming,
The one that you weren’t prepared for,
but nevertheless the one that you’ve been waiting for all your life.

No Words

Last night, as I was fixing my stuff and preparing to leave the office, one of my co-workers was distracting me jokingly and I even joked around with him, until he said, and I shall quote, “Para kang yung mga tao sa Facebook eh, nahawakan lang ng konti, rape agad?” It was actually off and I actually didn’t know how to respond because it was really out of the topic. All I came up with was “wow.” It’s really crazy how some people think that way. I mean, are we, women, seriously not allowed to feel offended or harassed when someone, especially a stranger, touch us sexually? Even a simple stare could mean something, for chrissake. No words can express how disappointed I am at people who doesn’t take this issue seriously.

I’ve always been vocal on my Twitter and Facebook account about catcalling for I cannot fully grasp or understand how some people (even women) seem to be okay with it. It’s really so disappointing how some people even say that those who claim to have been sexually harassed and/or catcalled are just over-reacting and looking for attention.

For the past few days, I have been avoiding posts and topics regarding that issue. I’m tired of trying to understand why some people still argue whether catcalling and wolf-whistling is okay or not. It is very wrong in all aspects, yet some people still defend it and even use “freedom of expression” as an excuse to do it. It’s very disheartening and I am this close to losing faith in humanity.

Regardless of gender, catcalling will always be a form of sexual harassment and that is a fact we cannot shake.

I Want You In Every Way Possible

image

I want you because you put my heart at peace the way the sky calms me. The sky
used to be my favorite thing to stare at until I met you.

I want you in the brightness of the day, when it’s 9 a.m. on a Saturday and
you’re arms are wrapped around me while we’re both tangled up in the sheets and
unable to escape. I want you in your sleepy voice saying, ‘don’t go yet’ as I
try to get out of bed.

I want you in the darkness and blackness of the night, when it’s 10 p.m. and our
eyes are both heavy and unable to resist sleep. I want you in the in between
whispers of ‘I love you’ and ‘don’t ever leave.’ I want your random hugs that
just catches me off-guard.

I want you in the heat of the summer when we’re walking hand in hand down the
streets of wherever our feet takes us. And though I’m not a big fan of ‘holding
hands,’ I will let you hold mine and let our palms get sweaty from grasping
each other’s hand so tight. But most importantly, I will let you hold my heart
as well.

I want you in the angry outbursts with frustration all over your eyes, knowing
that when you cool down, we will work things out and talk it over until it’s
not a problem anymore.

I want you in the romance of it all, the stolen kisses and the random hugs. And
despite my issues that you know all too well, it’s confusing that I want them,
but I do.

I want you despite my fears and over-thinking nights, knowing that I could ask
you anytime about it but won’t because that’s just me. But you’ll tell me
anyway because you know it’s inside my head and bothering me.

I want you even in the hard times, most especially then. When doubt consumes the
hell out of me. I want you because loving you has been a slow learning process
of falling in love piece by piece. I want you because despite my love for words
and writing, being with you makes me lose all of my words. You leave me unable
to construct even a simple sentence that could describe this feeling I have for
you and it scares me because I am not used to not knowing what to say.

I want you because without me even knowing, you taught me how to trust and love
again, in the most beautiful way possible. I want you because you have always
been honest with me and I will always, always thank God for blessing me with
someone like you.

Inspiring the World

I’ve always wanted to inspire the world that when someone asks me what my #1 dream is, I answer with the same line I came up with years ago, “I dream of inspiring the world with my thoughts one day.”

It has been my #1 goal and it still is, but recently, I realized that I don’t really have to inspire the world to prove that I’ve reached my dreams. Sometimes, touching a single person is enough because every human being has a world inside of them.