I’m engaged!

Posted on 05/30/2021 by Lenn

To be perfectly honest, I don’t know how to write this post without ugly-crying in front of my laptop! But I would like to start by saying that our story would never be complete without the whirlwind romance of how it all started. This post is pretty much the sequel to all of my previous attempts of writing the story of us. Jeez, it still feels surreal calling him my fiancé — we’ve openly talked about marriage and our future plans, but being here in this moment, I still couldn’t believe it. It’s been days, yet I still couldn’t believe it despite having started with the wedding preparation.

Our relationship may not be as long as others, but we sure have gone through so much together. I remember that a lot of people didn’t approve of our being together, some even said that what we have won’t last long. Looking back now, it feels like it’s been a lifetime ago, yet I can still remember it clear as day. My past self would feel so good knowing that they were wrong about us and knowing that she made the right choice.

I’ve always felt like I’m constantly making wrong decision after wrong decision my whole life because that’s what everyone around me made me feel, but with you, it just instantly felt right. You pushed me to be a better person and made me realize that taking risks is not always as scary as it seems.

Here, on the first chapter of the sequel of our book, I am both ecstatic and afraid. And that’s okay, because one thing that I learned from our relationship is that the most worthwhile moments are the ones that scare the hell out of me. You’ve proven that, time and time again. Continue reading →

Nuvali, Sta. Rosa: Solenad & Amaia Steps

Posted on 02/28/2021 by Lenn

We didn’t want to leave La Finca, but our time was already up. The morning of our check-out date, we still managed to wake up early to do some morning swim. The water was freezing, but nothing can really stop us from taking our final dip in the pool! We started moving and fixing our stuff at around 10:30 AM, took a bath, got dressed, and took some photos before before we left.
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Lipa, Batangas: La Finca Village Healing Community

Posted on 02/27/2021 by Lenn

It’s been a year since we last got the chance to go on a real vacation, and since they have been easing the quarantine restrictions in the country, we decided to go on a mini getaway just to take a breather from work (and my stress).

My boyfriend found this place in Lipa, Batangas which not only looked safe, but also very peaceful. The setup is a mini house with its own private pool, so you wouldn’t have to worry about having contact with other people or guests.

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The Dusty Diary #3

Posted on 01/07/2021 by Lenn

Hi, hello. Here I am again, back at this corner of my website to talk and rant about the stuff that I’ve been going through in the past couple of weeks or so.

In a span of three weeks, I’ve had so many realizations about my life that it just seemed a little overwhelming and scary. The realizations started when I had to undergo an out-patient medical procedure (which I’ve gone through back in 2019), it was scheduled on March 2020, but COVID happened and lockdowns were imposed. I’ve been so bothered by the number of cases and deaths at the time that I didn’t want to go to the hospital nor risk going outside in general, so I postponed the procedure. Eight months later, the virus is still here but cities are slowly trying to open up again and we kind of discovered a way to go around it by using masks and shields and just being extra extra careful, so I decided to go on with the procedure because it’s been long overdue — I still didn’t want to go to the hospital so I opted for a clinic instead for just a little bit less possibility of catching the virus and adding up to my current condition.

A few days later, I got my result and it didn’t turn out good. I’ve cried a lot and started to look back on my life — the result scared me out of my wits. I felt devastated and the worst part is that no one seemed to be taking it seriously, so I basically didn’t have anyone to confide in who understands me. The days that followed was either, I didn’t get enough sleep or I sleep the whole day through.

What I hate the most are those moments in the wee hours of the night when I am alone with my thoughts. I was just there — lying in bed and staring up at my ceiling trying to shut my mind. Then I looked back in the past two years and realized that in my almost 27 years of existence, I’ve only started to feel alive in 2018. The past 2 and a half years, even with a lot of pressure and stress, have been the best years of my life. It scared me even more because I wanted to spend more years living that way, I wanted to be able to do things with the person I love — to break rules, to go out of my comfort zone, to go places, and to learn new things.

It’s funny because there were so many times in my teenage years where I just wished that I wasn’t born or that I wish I didn’t have to live a long life so that I can just stop being here. Now, I just wanted to live despite all the stress and problems that I may or may not go through along the way, I just want to live and see for myself. All our plans for our future, I don’t want them to be just plans — I want to actually be in that future, in that moment.

Update: So this week, I decided to go to the hospital and have them do the same procedure on me and the findings turned out to be different from the one that I go back in December. I am so relieved and grateful.

Two.

Posted on 08/08/2020 by Lenn

Here’s an attempt at writing our story. I’m not really sure where or how to even begin with this post — How did we really begin?

As I have mentioned in all of my previous blog entries, I found you when I wasn’t even looking for anything or anyone for that matter. You were just there — someone I know by name and someone who I casually have small talks with whenever we ran into each other. It has always been like that between us and nothing more.

Thinking about it now, I can’t believe that just a couple of years ago, you weren’t even part of my life. It feels weird because I feel like I’ve known you forever. Looking back at those days, I can’t really tell when I started developing these feelings for you. There were just no signs — no anything. It just kind of happened.

I remember your birthday back in 2018 when I greeted you a few days early because your birthday fell on a weekend. I vividly remember you telling me to greet you again on your birthday, and I did send you a message via Messenger. The following day was a work day, and you dropped by my work station to give me some gummy worms. Casually, I asked you what it was for and you said that it was your birthday. I honestly didn’t know what to say because you really didn’t have to, so I managed a “thank you.”

I think our conversations frequented after that. It was supposed to be just friendly conversations, given that we both arrive early in the office. It was really nice having someone to talk to early in the morning. I guess, some time during those conversations, something just clicked — I couldn’t say when it all changed, but it did. I used to find myself looking at you from across the room and a lot of the time you were already staring back at me.

I knew I was in love when you started reading one of my favorite book series, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and my stomach made a double-flip. It was the butterflies, as most people would call it. I just couldn’t stop talking about it, so you told me you were going to read it. It was just the sweetest thing.

Fast forward to 2020 and we’ve been through so much and created a lot of memories together. I know I told you this already, but being with you was the most alive I’ve felt in my 26 years of existence. You made me look at the world in a different angle — I know I still sometimes fail at doing so, but you always manage to get your point through, that everything in this world is all about perspective. It’s hard to do so sometimes when I feel like I am trapped (you know what I mean), but you always try your best to change my take on the world.

Thank you for making my life worthwhile and for bringing out the best in me. Happy anniversary, babe. I will always love you. ♡

JNVQ Diaries: A Love Letter

Posted on 06/24/2020 by Lenn

Babe,

Happy quarantine birthday! Who would’ve thought that this year would turn out this way? We have so many plans for this year, and I can still remember vividly how we’ve been arguing on how to spend my birthday before the quarantine was imposed. That was in March, it’s been three months and we’re now celebrating your birthday but we still haven’t seen each other since. It’s really frustrating because I miss you so bad. But as I’ve said in my birthday post, we have to be strong while being apart right now, so we can spend a lot of birthdays together in the future.

I know it’s hard celebrating at a time like this, but I hope you enjoy your cake and my not-so-surprise birthday gift that we’ve been talking about for weeks! Haha! I don’t like to be all that cheesy, but I want you to know that I will always love you and you will always be the best decision that I have made for my entire life. I am still happy that I’ve chosen to be with you and I will keep choosing you. I knew you were the right one because you never tolerated my immaturity during my red days even when we argue about it most of the time. I really do appreciate it because you are helping become a better version of myself.

I would also like to thank you for always being the stronger person in our relationship, I know that there are times when you also feel down because, hey, you’re also human. Yet, you always put me first by trying to appear strong for me and I will always appreciate you for that even if it may not look like so. I would also like you to know that I appreciate your patience and selflessness when it comes to understanding my overthinking, I know it’s also hard for you, but you always manage to help me through my episodes.

With all that, I wish you all the blessings that you deserve. I am looking forward to more adventures throughout the years with you. Thank you for making me feel the most alive I’ve been in 26 years. You are the greatest thrill and adventure of my life.

Thank you for your existence.

I love you.

Yours for always,
Lenn

Those Magical Seconds

Posted on 01/03/2020 by Lenn

“If happiness could be broken down into units of time, it would be those magical seconds when you said: ‘I don’t want to miss a lifetime with you, Lenn. I love you.'”

I choose you, too, and I’m truly grateful that we both made the same decision. I am so happy that I wouldn’t have to spend every waking hour of my life wondering what it would feel like being in your arms. I love you for always. ♥

What’s with Writing?

Posted on 11/21/2019 by Lenn

Day in and day out, all I do is write. A lot of people would ask me, “What is it with writing that you adore so much?” The truth is, I’ve tried and tried, but I could never come up with the perfect answer or explanation for that particular question because, really, it had me thinking, what is it with writing that I love so much?

When I am writing, the world seemed limitless and so were my words. Somehow, I feel like when I am in front of my laptop, my hands perfectly coordinate with my keyboard – as if the words flow naturally. It’s like inhaling life itself and penning them down to make every unexpected moment frozen in time.

Every composition is written with a trinket of my blood – siphoning every bit of my heart so I could come up with the perfect prose, the perfect article, the perfect letter – each article symbolizes a different battle scar. So when I write about love, I hope you know that each article took a lot of digging deep into the depths of my heart – every article took a piece of my heart to justify your presence in my midst.

Remember that pens are mightier than swords and each layer I peel out from myself to write about the magnificence of your existence in my life – how your scars are nothing but blemishes to a flawless exterior or how your stare felt like the sun touching my skin or how your smile can turn a stormy day into summer – I am slowly putting down my shield.

You see, every story I write is a moment of weakness; it’s as if I am letting you peek straight into my soul – as if I am slowly destroying the walls surrounding my heart – and slowly opening up to you and to the world before us.

It Started With A Greeting & More

Posted on 11/07/2019 by Lenn

Whenever I write about how our relationship started, it always goes back to that one August evening that changed everything.

But I realized that I never got the chance to mention how we actually started talking and hanging out. Today, when I finally got home from a long and tiring day at work, I thought about that one conversation that started it all. It just kind of popped in my mind — it was so sudden, that I had to write about it. Continue reading →

A Year of You

Posted on 10/07/2019 by Lenn

July: I have known you for almost a year before my heart realized that it was you that was missing in my life. With you, it was never like the love at first sight kind of love; it was more like walking into a place I’ve never been but instantly felt like I was home.

August: It was in between whispers, laughter, and genuine smiles when I first heard you say you love me out loud. I could literally hear your heart beat faster and faster and all I came up with was a smile. Little did you know that I kept wishing that moment never had to end.

September: I once had a dream where I was at the beach, just enjoying the fresh air and beautiful view. As I was walking along the shoreline, I saw something moving in the sea — it was you. It was such a weird dream given that we don’t talk all that much before, but you were swimming towards me and I didn’t know what it meant at the time until the day I saw you in a different light.

October: A few months ago, I ran out of motivation to push forward and do better; I used to drag myself out of bed and convince myself that I still have a purpose. But then you came and I’ve never felt that alive in a long, long time.

November: I feel like I am always in a grand adventure when I’m with you; not just because you liked going out and exploring so many places, but even when we’re sitting beside each other sharing our dreams and how we’ll one day take over the world. It was an entirely different planet, an entirely different universe, and the best part of it is that we’re the only ones in it.

December: It was the holidays and I wanted to be with you so bad I wanted to tear the whole world apart for being so unfair, but you were always such a ray of sunshine with all the positivity that you impose which made me realize the brighter side of things; that knowing that you’re mine and I am yours is enough for the meantime.

January: There are days when I felt like I am drowning, but being the swimmer that you are, you always save me even from the monsters inside my head.

February: I received a very pink boquet of roses, and I never liked receiving flowers until it came from you. You were always so thoughtful and sweet and loving, I wanted to hug you forever.

March: It was my birthday and you surprised me with one of the books I’ve been eyeing whenever we visit a bookstore and you were so worried that I wouldn’t like it. Oh, you were so adorable, you didn’t know that just one of those tight hugs would be good enough a gift.

April: We spend almost everyday with each other but I still can’t get enough of you.

May: It was somewhere near our anniversary that I suddenly felt fear because I know that I wouldn’t be able to live the same way if everything turned out differently in the end; I never want to lose you.

June: We spent 10 days out of the country and I never really cared how beautiful all those places were because all that mattered to me was being with you.

My life has been so colorful since you came, I have no words to describe the feeling you give me. You are such a wonderful blessing, I could never thank you enough for simply existing and crossing paths with me. I love you, always.