I’m engaged!

To be perfectly honest, I don’t know how to write this post without ugly-crying in front of my laptop! But I would like to start by saying that our story would never be complete without the whirlwind romance of how it all started. This post is pretty much the sequel to all of my previous attempts of writing the story of us. Jeez, it still feels surreal calling him my fiancé — we’ve openly talked about marriage and our future plans, but being here in this moment, I still couldn’t believe it. It’s been days, yet I still couldn’t believe it despite having started with the wedding preparation.

Our relationship may not be as long as others, but we sure have gone through so much together. I remember that a lot of people didn’t approve of our being together, some even said that what we have won’t last long. Looking back now, it feels like it’s been a lifetime ago, yet I can still remember it clear as day. My past self would feel so good knowing that they were wrong about us and knowing that she made the right choice.

I’ve always felt like I’m constantly making wrong decision after wrong decision my whole life because that’s what everyone around me made me feel, but with you, it just instantly felt right. You pushed me to be a better person and made me realize that taking risks is not always as scary as it seems.

Here, on the first chapter of the sequel of our book, I am both ecstatic and afraid. And that’s okay, because one thing that I learned from our relationship is that the most worthwhile moments are the ones that scare the hell out of me. You’ve proven that, time and time again. Continue reading

Nuvali, Sta. Rosa: Solenad & Amaia Steps

We didn’t want to leave La Finca, but our time was already up. The morning of our check-out date, we still managed to wake up early to do some morning swim. The water was freezing, but nothing can really stop us from taking our final dip in the pool! We started moving and fixing our stuff at around 10:30 AM, took a bath, got dressed, and took some photos before before we left.
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Memory Lane

More than two years ago, around quarter to 10 in the evening, you were driving me home from our first date. It was a make-or-break kind of night, and I remember feeling very happy that we finally had the chance to spend time together without everyone’s eyes on us — always giving us that look, suspecting that we have a relationship. You know how everyone is.

While we were already dating, meaning spending our remaining lunch hours strolling around Greenbelt or rushing to the nearest Ministop for cheap coffee, we weren’t really together yet — it was kind of complicated. But our bosses and other workmates thought it best to keep us away from each other for reasons like, as they say, whatever we have will never work.  Continue reading

The Dusty Diary #3

Hi, hello. Here I am again, back at this corner of my website to talk and rant about the stuff that I’ve been going through in the past couple of weeks or so.

In a span of three weeks, I’ve had so many realizations about my life that it just seemed a little overwhelming and scary. The realizations started when I had to undergo an out-patient medical procedure (which I’ve gone through back in 2019), it was scheduled on March 2020, but COVID happened and lockdowns were imposed. I’ve been so bothered by the number of cases and deaths at the time that I didn’t want to go to the hospital nor risk going outside in general, so I postponed the procedure. Eight months later, the virus is still here but cities are slowly trying to open up again and we kind of discovered a way to go around it by using masks and shields and just being extra extra careful, so I decided to go on with the procedure because it’s been long overdue — I still didn’t want to go to the hospital so I opted for a clinic instead for just a little bit less possibility of catching the virus and adding up to my current condition.

A few days later, I got my result and it didn’t turn out good. I’ve cried a lot and started to look back on my life — the result scared me out of my wits. I felt devastated and the worst part is that no one seemed to be taking it seriously, so I basically didn’t have anyone to confide in who understands me. The days that followed was either, I didn’t get enough sleep or I sleep the whole day through.

What I hate the most are those moments in the wee hours of the night when I am alone with my thoughts. I was just there — lying in bed and staring up at my ceiling trying to shut my mind. Then I looked back in the past two years and realized that in my almost 27 years of existence, I’ve only started to feel alive in 2018. The past 2 and a half years, even with a lot of pressure and stress, have been the best years of my life. It scared me even more because I wanted to spend more years living that way, I wanted to be able to do things with the person I love — to break rules, to go out of my comfort zone, to go places, and to learn new things.

It’s funny because there were so many times in my teenage years where I just wished that I wasn’t born or that I wish I didn’t have to live a long life so that I can just stop being here. Now, I just wanted to live despite all the stress and problems that I may or may not go through along the way, I just want to live and see for myself. All our plans for our future, I don’t want them to be just plans — I want to actually be in that future, in that moment.

Update: So this week, I decided to go to the hospital and have them do the same procedure on me and the findings turned out to be different from the one that I go back in December. I am so relieved and grateful.

Two.

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Here’s an attempt at writing our story. I’m not really sure where or how to even begin with this post — How did we really begin?

As I have mentioned in all of my previous blog entries, I found you when I wasn’t even looking for anything or anyone for that matter. You were just there — someone I know by name and someone who I casually have small talks with whenever we ran into each other. It has always been like that between us and nothing more.

Thinking about it now, I can’t believe that just a couple of years ago, you weren’t even part of my life. It feels weird because I feel like I’ve known you forever. Looking back at those days, I can’t really tell when I started developing these feelings for you. There were just no signs — no anything. It just kind of happened.

I remember your birthday back in 2018 when I greeted you a few days early because your birthday fell on a weekend. I vividly remember you telling me to greet you again on your birthday, and I did send you a message via Messenger. The following day was a work day, and you dropped by my work station to give me some gummy worms. Casually, I asked you what it was for and you said that it was your birthday. I honestly didn’t know what to say because you really didn’t have to, so I managed a “thank you.”

I think our conversations frequented after that. It was supposed to be just friendly conversations, given that we both arrive early in the office. It was really nice having someone to talk to early in the morning. I guess, some time during those conversations, something just clicked — I couldn’t say when it all changed, but it did. I used to find myself looking at you from across the room and a lot of the time you were already staring back at me.

I knew I was in love when you started reading one of my favorite book series, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and my stomach made a double-flip. It was the butterflies, as most people would call it. I just couldn’t stop talking about it, so you told me you were going to read it. It was just the sweetest thing.

Fast forward to 2020 and we’ve been through so much and created a lot of memories together. I know I told you this already, but being with you was the most alive I’ve felt in my 26 years of existence. You made me look at the world in a different angle — I know I still sometimes fail at doing so, but you always manage to get your point through, that everything in this world is all about perspective. It’s hard to do so sometimes when I feel like I am trapped (you know what I mean), but you always try your best to change my take on the world.

Thank you for making my life worthwhile and for bringing out the best in me. Happy anniversary, babe. I will always love you. ♡

JNVQ Diaries: A Love Letter

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Babe,

Happy quarantine birthday! Who would’ve thought that this year would turn out this way? We have so many plans for this year, and I can still remember vividly how we’ve been arguing on how to spend my birthday before the quarantine was imposed. That was in March, it’s been three months and we’re now celebrating your birthday but we still haven’t seen each other since. It’s really frustrating because I miss you so bad. But as I’ve said in my birthday post, we have to be strong while being apart right now, so we can spend a lot of birthdays together in the future.

I know it’s hard celebrating at a time like this, but I hope you enjoy your cake and my not-so-surprise birthday gift that we’ve been talking about for weeks! Haha! I don’t like to be all that cheesy, but I want you to know that I will always love you and you will always be the best decision that I have made for my entire life. I am still happy that I’ve chosen to be with you and I will keep choosing you. I knew you were the right one because you never tolerated my immaturity during my red days even when we argue about it most of the time. I really do appreciate it because you are helping become a better version of myself.

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I would also like to thank you for always being the stronger person in our relationship, I know that there are times when you also feel down because, hey, you’re also human. Yet, you always put me first by trying to appear strong for me and I will always appreciate you for that even if it may not look like so. I would also like you to know that I appreciate your patience and selflessness when it comes to understanding my overthinking, I know it’s also hard for you, but you always manage to help me through my episodes.

With all that, I wish you all the blessings that you deserve. I am looking forward to more adventures throughout the years with you. Thank you for making me feel the most alive I’ve been in 26 years. You are the greatest thrill and adventure of my life.

Thank you for your existence.

I love you.

Yours for always,
Lenn

#JNVQDiaries

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I like the way you are
in your perfectly imperfect ways
exactly the way I’ve wanted and more
I can’t tell if it’s your disheveled hair
or maybe it’s how you see things differently
or the way that you look at me

I like the way you are
how your height makes me feel safe
and hugging you makes all the bad things go away
I can’t tell if it’s because of the warmth that your arms bring
when it’s wrapped around me
or the way that you shamelessly hold my hand in public

Or maybe it’s all of the above.

I like the way you know exactly what to do
and on the rare times that you do not
you are always looking for solutions when I’m all panicky

Maybe, but maybe it’s just that I used to like you
A lot…

…and now I’ve fallen completely in love.

My 2020 BDJ Planner

I’m one of those people who collected stickers to claim that famous Starbucks planner and got mine a few weeks before Christmas.

Little did I know that I will be receiving another planner and guess what? It’s personalized with my name on it! Not only that, it also has more coupons than that of Starbucks’. I’m so happy!

Its design is also so dear to me, I’m in love. Belle de Jour’s theme for this year is the Universe, so their design is mainly composed of the moon, the sun, planets, and stars.

Way back 2012, I’ve had one of these planners which was also just given to me by one of my blockmates for our exchange gift. They didn’t have a lot of designs back then, but I do remember loving the content of the planner.

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One thing that I love about this planner is that there are a lot of activities inside which can help me track my bills, savings, and even my menstrual cycle! Other activities consist of helping you stay calm and keep dreaming. For me, these activities will help me enhance my writing skills, give me a lot of new ideas, keep me thinking positive thoughts (which is good for my mental health).

The booklet beside the planner in the photo is full of coupons from so many stores. It’s perfect for all the girls out there — there are a lot of coupons for makeup, skincare, spas, etc. The planner also comes with a BDJ card which can be used for other discounts.

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Next year, I won’t be collecting Starbucks stickers anymore. I’ll just buy another BDJ planner because it’s so worth it.

For more details about this planner, visit this link: https://shop.ilovebdj.com/

Yuletide Season 2019

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Merry Christmas, everyone! I know this is a bit late and I’ve been on some kind of a hiatus for a couple of days without any warning post of sorts.

So maybe I owe everyone an explanation: My last work day of the year was on December 20 and that week was also the busiest as we’ve got a deadline to meet. It was also my first time staying up all night just to wait for our documents to be released.

After that week, it’s been my family’s tradition to spend Christmas at my grandparents’ house in Tagaytay. Aside from having limited access to the internet, we were all too busy preparing for Noche Buena and going places.

So setting all the explanation aside, I hope all of you have had an awesome Christmas! My cousins and I spent Christmas Eve watching Doctor Sleep while having a couple of drinks with my aunt and uncle over our DIY Samgyupsal.

Here’s a photo of what our little Noche Buena looked like:

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What I Wore #1: Christmas Party 2019

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Hey, everyone! I’m back with another series to launch on this little space of mine. I’ve been thinking about this series for quite some time now, and I think it’s just fitting to introduce my very own What I Wore segment in my website since my inspiration for blogging are fashion bloggers like Kryz Uy, Tricia Gosingtian, etc (as mentioned in this post).

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