Memory Lane

More than two years ago, around quarter to 10 in the evening, you were driving me home from our first date. It was a make-or-break kind of night, and I remember feeling very happy that we finally had the chance to spend time together without everyone’s eyes on us — always giving us that look, suspecting that we have a relationship. You know how everyone is.

While we were already dating, meaning spending our remaining lunch hours strolling around Greenbelt or rushing to the nearest Ministop for cheap coffee, we weren’t really together yet — it was kind of complicated. But our bosses and other workmates thought it best to keep us away from each other for reasons like, as they say, whatever we have will never work.  Continue reading

“To Be Human is to Discuss”

What is the meaning of discussion? It originates from the Latin verb discutere, meaning to dash into pieces. Discussion is a word we’ve been hearing since we started going to school, yet do we really know the true process of discussion?

A lot of people are suffering from different forms of stress and anxiety. I’ve read and watched a lot of books and films that focuses on these mental issues; one of the things that I’ve noticed in every book and every film is that the person suffering from these issues find it hard to discuss their issues with other people — sometimes even with their therapists.

Being someone who overthinks a lot and easily gets stressed out, I know how hard it is to speak out one’s thoughts and tell people what’s really going on inside one’s head. Personally, one of the reasons why I find it hard to speak my mind is that I don’t want to be labeled as crazy or toxic. So I resorted to just keeping myself preoccupied with other things so I wouldn’t have to be alone with my own thoughts and deal with my anxiety.

So why are we so afraid of discussions, they say? Because the problem with a lot of people is that when someone opens a topic or tries to discuss something, most often than not, the discussion ends up in a full-blown argument. It’s mentally and physically draining, sometimes it even causes more stress, that’s why some of us just choose to keep our mouths shut.

For me, another is reason is that I’m the type of person who overthinks everything, sometimes I go back to a specific conversation or argument and end up spending all afternoon thinking that I should have said this or this instead of that. So to avoid having to spend countless hours dwelling on what I should have said or done, I just let all my feelings and thoughts bottle up inside me. 

During the past couple of months spent in the safety of my home, I’ve had a lot of time to rethink things and to try and give things a different perspective, I realized that to discuss has a deeper meaning into it. It’s something that is very crucial in our daily lives — it’s something we need to learn the process of doing, because without discussion, everything is in chaos.

The Social Media Effect

A decade ago, who would have thought that social media would take over our lives the way it does today?

It’s funny how we eat Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. To be honest, for me, scrolling through my social media feeds used to be some kind of break from studying or working. “Used to” because recently, social media has been causing me stress and anxiety (and I’m sure a lot of people can relate to this).

Which brings me to my next observation: I’ve seen discussions and arguments going around, saying how social media is such an evil invention. This got me thinking, “Is it really that bad?”

Personally, even though it has been causing me quite a lot of stress and anxiety, I still don’t think of social media as an “evil invention.” When social media was first introduced to us, its main purpose was to give us the opportunity to connect with relatives and friends who live quite a distance away.

What really makes social media platforms “evil” are its users — Us. As the years go by and as each social media platform improves, its users have also changed with it. In my observation, discussions turned into arguments, being friendly was confused as flirting, and sharing or posting achievements was misunderstood as boasting. So unfortunately, these changes are bad rather than good.

My point being is that no matter how many times Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter improves or changes their policies, if the users continue being as toxic as they are today, I do not see social media being a better place anytime soon.

Eureka! Moment #3: Dalgona Coffee

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If you’re following me on Twitter or Instagram you would probably know that I love coffee. My day wouldn’t be complete without drinking a cup of coffee in the morning, not only does it keep me awake, it also gives me the energy to get things done.

At this time, I couldn’t get may usual Starbucks or Tim Hortons or Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf fix because of obvious quarantine reasons. I intensely miss having a cup of Starbucks’ Caramel Macchiato (sometimes White Chocolate Mocha) or Tim Hortons’ infamous iced coffee with your choice of flavoring (i.e., caramel, mocha, or vanilla).

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Love in the Time of Corona

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In the past four weeks, the digital screens have taken over the world.

It was five weeks ago when the government enforced the community quarantine in my area, but to most of us, it already feels like a lifetime ago. Most of our usual activities like meetings, lunch dates, happy hours, and even play dates have been reduced through the digital screens.

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My 2020 BDJ Planner

I’m one of those people who collected stickers to claim that famous Starbucks planner and got mine a few weeks before Christmas.

Little did I know that I will be receiving another planner and guess what? It’s personalized with my name on it! Not only that, it also has more coupons than that of Starbucks’. I’m so happy!

Its design is also so dear to me, I’m in love. Belle de Jour’s theme for this year is the Universe, so their design is mainly composed of the moon, the sun, planets, and stars.

Way back 2012, I’ve had one of these planners which was also just given to me by one of my blockmates for our exchange gift. They didn’t have a lot of designs back then, but I do remember loving the content of the planner.

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One thing that I love about this planner is that there are a lot of activities inside which can help me track my bills, savings, and even my menstrual cycle! Other activities consist of helping you stay calm and keep dreaming. For me, these activities will help me enhance my writing skills, give me a lot of new ideas, keep me thinking positive thoughts (which is good for my mental health).

The booklet beside the planner in the photo is full of coupons from so many stores. It’s perfect for all the girls out there — there are a lot of coupons for makeup, skincare, spas, etc. The planner also comes with a BDJ card which can be used for other discounts.

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Next year, I won’t be collecting Starbucks stickers anymore. I’ll just buy another BDJ planner because it’s so worth it.

For more details about this planner, visit this link: https://shop.ilovebdj.com/

Five Things I’ve Learned From My Manager:

  1. Take vacations. You don’t have to feel guilty for not reporting to work nor for leaving your teammates for a day or two.
  2. Take breaks. You can’t actually work for eight hours straight, take a break away from your computer from time to time.
  3. Save your energy. Save your energy for the more important things and stop stressing over something that you have no control over.
  4. Focus on quality. You don’t have to get everything done in a day. Focus on what you’re currently working on and make sure that the quality is good to go regardless if there will be someone available to review it or not.
  5. Give yourself credit. Don’t waste your time overthinking if you’ve disappointed someone or if you’ve done something wrong. Most of the time, you’re doing your best. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

I just feel like writing these down for future reference because they are not only relevant in terms of work, but it also applies to real life situations and instances.

The Start & End of A Decade

As we closed another year, we dive not only into a new year but into a new decade and looking back at the past years made me realize how much I went through to survive it. It’s crazy how it feels like 10 years just passed by way too fast. I didn’t even notice that I’ve been out of college for five whole years now. It’s insane.

I started the decade fresh out of high school and wandered my way through college with high hopes for what the future holds for me. I’ve met so many people along the way, and ended the decade with very few real ones and maybe that’s for the best.

I’m ending the decade right after my quarter-life crisis year — 2019 wasn’t easy, and I really hope I find my way through it because, like most people, I’ve also done things that I’m not really proud of. But I do look forward to accepting life and getting over the things that at the back of my head, I know I can never really change anymore.

As everyone’s posting about the successes they’ve achieved in the past 10 years on social media, I’m just here — writing about how proud I am of myself for graduating on time, finding a job, getting over and moving on from things that no longer serve my higher being, losing people, finding the love of my life, trying my best to see the light amidst all the darkness, grasping for air every time life tries to kick me until I run out of breath, and basically surviving and keeping myself alive.

It was a great decade, nonetheless. Not as easy as it seems, but definitely worth it. Again, happy new year! May we spend 2020 learning to finally loving ourselves and making our dreams come true. ♥

What’s with Writing?

Day in and day out, all I do is write. A lot of people would ask me, “What is it with writing that you adore so much?” The truth is, I’ve tried and tried, but I could never come up with the perfect answer or explanation for that particular question because, really, it had me thinking, what is it with writing that I love so much?

When I am writing, the world seemed limitless and so were my words. Somehow, I feel like when I am in front of my laptop, my hands perfectly coordinate with my keyboard – as if the words flow naturally. It’s like inhaling life itself and penning them down to make every unexpected moment frozen in time.

Every composition is written with a trinket of my blood – siphoning every bit of my heart so I could come up with the perfect prose, the perfect article, the perfect letter – each article symbolizes a different battle scar. So when I write about love, I hope you know that each article took a lot of digging deep into the depths of my heart – every article took a piece of my heart to justify your presence in my midst.

Remember that pens are mightier than swords and each layer I peel out from myself to write about the magnificence of your existence in my life – how your scars are nothing but blemishes to a flawless exterior or how your stare felt like the sun touching my skin or how your smile can turn a stormy day into summer – I am slowly putting down my shield.

You see, every story I write is a moment of weakness; it’s as if I am letting you peek straight into my soul – as if I am slowly destroying the walls surrounding my heart – and slowly opening up to you and to the world before us.

What are you most afraid of?

There is another me in a different dimension where I do not feel like this. Another dimension where my heart fits perfectly into my chest and I am not afraid of the things that make me feel alive.

It sucks that I live in this world where everything feels like it’s going to tear me apart. It’s like I’m always waiting for something to snap — for the sky to fall, for the ground to break, for myself to keep falling into an infinite abyss — always waiting for something to crash.

Love taught me that at one point in time, everyone I’ve ever loved had taken a part of me and nothing will ever be left for myself but the bruises, scars, and burns. Continue reading