Category Archives: Journal

On Reading

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Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been fascinated whenever I see someone reading a book. It always seems to me that they shut the world out and they’re in a different dimension, but what really started this hobby was when our English teacher asked us to read Plagues and Federation: Diary of Kitty Barnes by Vashti Farrer for our book report and then I started reading Nicholas Sparks books and it was heavenly and after that, I never really knew how to leave the house without anything to read inside my bag anymore.

These days, I find it really hard to squeeze in some reading because I’ve been busy with a lot of things; Work, family, basketball and other stuff too. I was still able to finish reading one or two books a month during the past year but this year, so far, I suck at my reading challenge/status. I still haven’t finished anything since 2016 started and I’m really frustrated about it.

I’m currently stuck with White Hot Kiss by Jennifer L. Armentrout and it’s really going well and I don’t have a decent excuse about not being able to finish it other than I usually just end up sleeping when I get home from work. So, yeah. Boo me.

Source: dustypromises

Missing in Action

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So where have I been in the past three weeks?!

I’ve been kind of busy with life lately. Trying to find myself in the midst of everything that happened this year and so far, I’m happy with the little things unfolding before my eyes and yesterday, I thanked God for all the things he has blessed me with, I know that what he took away is leading me to something better. It feels very calming to know that things have changed for the better and losing a few people isn’t always a bad thing.

I am currently enjoying every moment of my life and I’ve learned not to let negative things and people affect my vibe and so far, it’s going pretty well. The past three weeks has been a mix and clash of so many things and to make it up, here’s what transcribed:

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Lunch out with the whole team @ Kenny Roger’s.

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Watched Goosebumps with my bestfriend x Thai food for lunch!

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Visited my Grandpa’s brother @ Victoria, Laguna which has always been a peaceful place for me.

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Stayed at our rest house in Tagaytay during the APEC week. The signal may have been really crappy, I can’t send a text properly and I didn’t have a decent connection to the internet as well, but I’ve had a really great time. It was such a great time to rest and unwind from all the things happening in the city. Plus, I’ve managed to finish reading two awesome books in just four days! It’s been a really long while since that happened and I’m very happy about it!

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Also, we went to Ayala to eat lunch during our last day in Tagaytay and this shop caught my attention because it’s so pretty!

So, that’s just about it! I’m currently reading the last book in The Mortal Instruments series which is the City of Heavenly Fire. It’s quite a long read, over 700+ pages, I think, but I woke up one day and just wanted to know how Clary and Jace’s story will end. I’ve actually bought this the day it was released and I kept it in my shelf for a year because I didn’t think I was ready to end their story, but recently, I’ve been craving for the old Shadowhunter feeling so.

I’ll probably write a quick review about what I think about the two books I finished reading over the short vacation that I’ve had in the next few days, so until then, I’ll leave you with this cliche of a quote, but I’ve recently proven to be true:

“Not everything and everyone you lose is a loss.”

Journ

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One day, I woke up with the sudden realization that I have to work on my dream of becoming a writer. I’ve already wasted a year of not doing anything about it that it started to haunt me everywhere.

I’ve always said that I really wanted to take up Journalism because writing has always been something I am fond of doing but my parents didn’t want me to. So instead, I took up a course that I didn’t really like. I survived school, I graduated on time, I can also say that I made my parents proud but I didn’t make myself proud. I went and marched on that stage a year ago with a smile on my face that everyone thought was so genuine but it wasn’t. That night, when I got home, I stayed awake until dawn… It hurt, it hurt so much that I felt it in my bones. 

The next day, I woke up and promised myself to practice and never stop writing no matter what. I did. I wrote book reviews, I wrote about sports, I wrote personal experiences, I wrote about everything I could write about.

Yesterday, a friend asked me what course I took up in college and the conversation went on and on until I opened up about always wanting to take up Journalism. He told me that he would try to refer me to a friend of his who works in a known newspaper company and my eyes automatically lit up. I considered that conversation a sign that I should do something about this dream of mine sooner or later. I don’t want to regret not being able to pursue it when I grow old.

Farewell, Lolo Jo

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Last Friday, we were shocked with another heart-breaking news. Another person who was very dear to our family passed away.

Lolo Joe was my grandfather’s uncle, his mom’s brother. Last May, we got the news that he was very ill and was having a hard time eating. He was confined in the hospital for weeks but was also discharged. I remember how relieved we all were when he was finally discharged, we visit him almost every week in their house at BF until he was confined again and undergone an operation. The operation was successful and for a moment, we all thought he was getting better, he even gained weight.

So last Friday, September 25, two weeks after his operation, I was at the salon and was having my hair done which was an annual routine for me, and then I got a message from my mom that Lolo Joe is, again, badly ill. I informed my hairstylist that I wouldn’t have my hair colored anymore. My grandparents just got to our rest house in Tagaytay that morning and was rushing back home right after they got the news. At around 11:40, my mom texted me again and told me that he’s already gone. I was so teary-eyed at the salon. I went home crying because the last time I saw him was at the hospital, after his operation. We all thought he was getting better.

I hated myself for being so selfish because I didn’t want him to die even when I know that he’s already too tired. A hundred years really is something. I know he misses his parents, his sister and wife, but I seriously wasn’t ready to lose him.

Lolo Joe, I know you’re happy now and I’m sorry that it took me a hard time to really let you go. We miss you, we miss you so much it hurts. We miss you everyday. Rest in peace, Lolo. See you soon.

Source: dustypromises

Farewell, Tito Aries

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Yesterday was such a shock to all of us. We lost a very good friend, an awesome person and a strong, undaunted investigative reporter.

I have always looked up to you for being so fearless when it comes to knowing the truth. I have always loved writing but when I met you and learned the way you write your articles and reports, I’ve been much more eager to be just like you. It was just too bad that I didn’t take up Journalism.

You were such a blessing to everyone around you. You were always willing to help in every way you can, you’d go out of your way when one of your friends needs someone to talk to, you’re truly one of a kind. You were such a good person and I guess, it’s true that good people go to heaven early.

You’re only 45, so, so young. Death stole you too soon. You’re still having the time of your life, we’re still learning from everything you impart. Everyone misses you already, Tito Aries.

We went to your wake this afternoon. The first time I looked at you inside the coffin, I was still hoping that everyone would start laughing and tell me that this was all a bad joke, but none of it ever happened. You’re really gone. When I was about to turn my back on you and walk towards the nearest chair, for a second, for a split second I thought your lips curled into a smile and that immediately made me look at you again. You looked as if you were just sleeping and playing a big bad joke on us. My mom, beside me, said, “Aries, gising na. Ang haba na ng tulog mo.” And again, for a split second I thought your eyes moved a bit and if I was in a different person’s wake, I would literally run out, screaming, but with you, I didn’t get scared. I actually wanted you to wake up. I really wanted to believe that you were just sleeping but you weren’t. Everyday, I would have to convince myself that you are gone…

I know you’re going to be safe and happy up there, but it just hurts to lose someone like you. But with all that being said, I thank you for being one of my strongest inspiration when it comes to writing. Thank you for simply existing. Everyone who knew you are blessed. This isn’t goodbye, we’ll see you again in the next lifetime, Tito Aries! And while we’re waiting, when you finally get to heaven, please write a story of how beautiful it is in person. I’ll read it when I get there! Have a safe trip to heaven, Tito! ❤

Source: dustypromises

The Last

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Writing has always been some sort of emotional therapy for me. And so I believe that writing these feelings down can ease whatever I am feeling right now. 

I’ve always believed in second chances and maybe that was the reason why I chose to work things out with you last year. Now that I know the truth, looking back at everything, I realized that maybe not everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe it should only be given to someone who is sincere and determined to make things right. I was so stupid to ever think that you could still change. You are hopeless.

Honestly, I just regret wasting another year on someone who didn’t even deserve to be forgiven in the first place. I should’ve listened to everyone before, I shouldn’t have settled for less. Your words remained words. Well, I guess, what do I expect from someone like you? I knew I didn’t deserve to be treated that way, no girl deserves to, but I was stupid because of everything you said. Now I know that guys like you aren’t to be trusted.

To make things clear, I am not hurt because I still love you. Damn, no. I’m done with that, I’m hurt because people like you take advantage of other people who did nothing but love and fight for you and quite frankly, what I feel towards you are more of anger and disgust than love and pity. It’s been almost two months since that day, I never messaged or called you after the first two days. I got so fed up of you doing that to me that I finally learned how to deal with it. I didn’t chase you anymore because I was so fucking tired of doing that. I used to do that, but surprise, surprise, I grew the fuck up and realized my worth. I tried my hardest to move on but you were the one who kept calling and leaving random messages. And that, I admit, confused me a bit. But with everything that I found out last night, well, it just proved how much of an asshole you are.

You are a living and walking hell and I am so sorry for anyone who will ever love you in the future. One thing I know is that I am glad that you’re finally out of my life. I am finally free and I can finally be happy. I never truly believed that letting go was the easiest way out, until today.

You were asking for my forgiveness but you never for one bit thought of how fucking big the damage you’ve caused have been? You are a self-centered bastard and I can’t believe that I loved someone like you. I don’t know you anymore. You turned into a fucking monster and now you don’t know how to change it.

From this day on, I promise to put myself first. Call me selfish but I’ve been putting others first for far too long and all I earned from doing that was deep scars and bruises from bullets that were fired by the exact person I was trying to save and protect. It’s time to put myself first, it’s time to save myself from the monster and the nightmare that is you.

This serves as the last and final letter I will write about you and for you. You don’t deserve that power over me anymore. 

I AM SO DONE, GOOD BYE.

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For so long, I kept myself away from people. I forced myself to keep everything bottled up inside for somewhere along the way, I lost it. I stopped trusting people because I don’t know who the real ones are anymore. They keep hiding behind their masks.

I learned to keep everything to myself. To just sleep through the night with all these thoughts, with all the monsters in my head. I swear it’s getting worse, the monsters are getting bigger and they keep feeding themselves with all the things inside my head. I don’t know, maybe I’ll keep losing it until there’s nothing left of me.

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Whenever I sit in the library, I always notice the sunset. I love staring at this picture I took of the Magallanes village because it brings peace to me, it makes me reminisce. I remember all the things that happened over the years of studying in that college, how I met different people, which I now call my friends. I remember our usual ‘tambay sessions’ at the parking lot, how we enjoy the heat of the sun during lunch breaks and the cold and cozy weather during December. And as I reminisce, I realized that those are the things I am going to miss in the next two terms of internship. Ahhh, APC. It has been 3 years since I stepped in your premises. Time flies real fast.

Source: dustypromises

Goodbye, 2012

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Another year is about to end, but that does not mean that it is the end of everything. In just a few hours 2012 will be part of our history. In 2013, do what you want to do for you, for your happiness and for the people you love. Make the best out of everything that goes along the way. Be what you want to be, change for the better, learn from the past and always be happy.

2012 has been one heck of a roller coaster ride to all of us. As for me, I have gained and lost things and people, I have learned how to cherish everything while I still have them. I have cried a river of tears, but I have collected an ocean of smiles and laughter. Whatever I have lost, I know that God has a purpose and He has a better plan for me. With all that, I am very much thankful to the Lord our God for all the blessings and challenges He has given me, I realized that He trusts me so much for giving me all those problems that I have encountered and now conquered.

Right now, I am ready for a fresh start. And I hope you guys are too! Let us all welcome 2013 and thank God for giving each of us another year to live and improve ourselves. Smile as 2013 unfolds in front of us. ♥

Happy New Year, readers. 

Add a text post.

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In a span of a month or two, I have realized a lot about life. I realized that not everyone will understand you, sometimes you need to understand them as well. I learned that pleasing everyone all at once is pretty much impossible in a world like ours.

I have always wanted to patch things up. I mean, that was as soon as I realized that I have grown apart from the people I have loved. I have always wanted to fix and find the broken pieces. But for some reason, I found out that I did not only grew apart from them, but they have learned to dislike me, or maybe even hate. It wasn’t easy for me to have found that out at first. I have always thought that friendship is about talking things over, about understanding and patching things up. But I guess not.

No, I am not putting all the blame on them. Because I know that I am also at fault. The only thing that have hurt me─my feelings─is that they never tried to talk or ask me what happened to me. I will accept all the painful words if there ever will be, I honestly will. Just as long as they say it in front of me. To my face. Not through statuses or tweets. I want that more than what is currently happening. I have never said something against them behind their back, I have never posted a single thing against them online, because I thought everything was fine between us.

Perhaps, this is His way of making me realize everything, including my own mistakes. And to realize that I have earned better things despite the unbelievably turbulent events in my life. And that I have changed for the better, as to what the people around me have said. A lot of people have asked me why I didn’t do anything to defend myself, why I’ve let them broadcast stuff online but instead kept silent about it. I truly respect the friendship we once shared, and that is the main reason why I did not even try to defend or say something that I know will hurt them even when I know a lot.

I have never answered their tweets and statuses with another status or tweet because I know that it will only worsen the situation. But recently, I have had enough. It was just too much. I mean, this is not high school. If they have a problem with me, why include my other friends? My friends have always been quiet even when they have noticed that there is a problem. I don’t think that I can still at least try to understand anymore. I am tired of always being the one who tries to understand.