The Last

Posted on 08/30/2015 by Lenn

Writing has always been some sort of emotional therapy for me. And so I believe that writing these feelings down can ease whatever I am feeling right now.

I’ve always believed in second chances and maybe that was the reason why I chose to work things out with you last year. Now that I know the truth, looking back at everything, I realized that maybe not everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe it should only be given to someone who is sincere and determined to make things right. I was so stupid to ever think that you could still change. You are hopeless.

Honestly, I just regret wasting another year on someone who didn’t even deserve to be forgiven in the first place. I should’ve listened to everyone before, I shouldn’t have settled for less. Your words remained words. Well, I guess, what do I expect from someone like you? I knew I didn’t deserve to be treated that way, no girl deserves to, but I was stupid because of everything you said. Now I know that guys like you aren’t to be trusted.

To make things clear, I am not hurt because I still love you. Damn, no. I’m done with that, I’m hurt because people like you take advantage of other people who did nothing but love and fight for you and quite frankly, what I feel towards you are more of anger and disgust than love and pity. It’s been almost two months since that day, I never messaged or called you after the first two days. I got so fed up of you doing that to me that I finally learned how to deal with it. I didn’t chase you anymore because I was so fucking tired of doing that. I used to do that, but surprise, surprise, I grew the fuck up and realized my worth. I tried my hardest to move on but you were the one who kept calling and leaving random messages. And that, I admit, confused me a bit. But with everything that I found out last night, well, it just proved how much of an asshole you are.

You are a living and walking hell and I am so sorry for anyone who will ever love you in the future. One thing I know is that I am glad that you’re finally out of my life. I am finally free and I can finally be happy. I never truly believed that letting go was the easiest way out, until today.

You were asking for my forgiveness but you never for one bit thought of how fucking big the damage you’ve caused have been? You are a self-centered bastard and I can’t believe that I loved someone like you. I don’t know you anymore. You turned into a fucking monster and now you don’t know how to change it.

From this day on, I promise to put myself first. Call me selfish but I’ve been putting others first for far too long and all I earned from doing that was deep scars and bruises from bullets that were fired by the exact person I was trying to save and protect. It’s time to put myself first, it’s time to save myself from the monster and the nightmare that is you.

This serves as the last and final letter I will write about you and for you. You don’t deserve that power over me anymore.

I AM SO DONE, GOOD BYE.

Saturday Getaway!

Posted on 10/22/2014 by Lenn

Last Saturday, I woke up late since it’s kind of the only rest I’ve had in weeks. I was about to order McDelivery when my Aunt called me and asked me if I wanted to come with them for lunch. And of course, being the “Tita’s girl” that I am, I went with them! Plus, I love being around my baby cousins.

We went to Nuvali and ate at Buffalo’s Wings and Things. I wasn’t able to take a picture of the food though, we were all too hungry for that! Hahahaha. But it was all good, except for the flavor of the chicken fingers my aunt chose. Lol. Loved their blue cheese sauce, though!

What I took a picture of though, was the dessert! “The” NY Cheesecake Ice Cream! It was freakingly and gushingly heavenly!

And then we just roamed around since my cousins has only been there twice. We rode the boat thingy and fed fishes!! I felt like I was a kid again. Heehee

And then we ate at Starbucks before we left! Heehee

Well, that’s it! 🙂 Used my extra time to update and post this family lunch date with them. ♥

Posted on 09/26/2014 by Lenn

My greatest frustration about myself is that I never really know how to control my feelings. When I love you, I love you all the way. It’s like, I always wear my heart on my sleeve for people to see and throw the most beautiful words possible for me to get too attached and when I do, they suddenly turn into a whole different person and I am left shattered and hopeless, gasping for air and love that I once thought was there.

And the worst part? Heartbreak after heartbreak, I still fall for the same cycle, the same scenario in hopes that maybe, just maybe, this one’s different. But they never really are.

Heart VS Brain

Posted on 07/25/2014 by Lenn

A lot of people kept saying that you should listen to your brain instead of your heart, because following your heart usually just leads you to getting hurt and taken for granted. But I’ve always admired the heart most, people may say that always listening to your heart would lead you nowhere and that you’re stupid for always chasing someone who doesn’t really appreciate all the efforts you did for them. But on the other hand, did anyone ever thought about how stronger the heart is?

The brain would usually tell you to stop because you’re going to get hurt, because you’re not going to get what you want and you’re just wasting your time on things or people that doesn’t even care about you. But the heart knows about that too, that the people you’re wasting time on doesn’t really appreciate anything you do, but it still goes on. It still chooses to love them, it still keeps going no matter how shattered it already is, because the heart is strong enough to chase after the things and people that it beats for while the brain kept telling you things to back out because it’s always usually just scared. The brain doesn’t want to go through challenges while the heart is selfless enough to do everything even if it means being broken.

Glenda

Posted on 07/19/2014 by Lenn

I’m sure the name deserves to be the title of this post, after four freaking days of not having electricity. Damn, that typhoon even deserves a standing ovation from boredom.

Anyway, I’ve been really really on the edge of cutting my wrist out of boredom. Loljk! The past four days has been the most unproductive days of my whole existence as of today.

I was actually considering that we won’t have electricity until the 22nd but thank God for today! We’ve been really having a hard time during the evenings and the likes. But hey, the good thing about the non-electricity days were that I started reading The Sea of Tranquility and I’m almost half done, I didn’t start right after the electricity has gone out but last Thursday. And so far, I’m loving it! I’ve tried reading it a few times before but I can’t quite figure out why I can’t seem to push further than Chapter 1. But oh well, there really is a time for everything!

I’ve been really eager to have the electricity back because I can’t stand not being able to have distractions. The past four days has been really crucial for me, since I am left all afternoon and evening with my thoughts. And I tell you, my thoughts aren’t really the friendly type. They could kill me by letting me choke on all the memories I have and I could actually go on and on thinking where we could have gone wrong and I swear, it’ll leave me crazy.

So that’s how I dealt with all the shit that typhoon brought us. But I’m still thankful because there are other people suffering without a home or a shelter to stay in, and I’ve been really guilty for having to complain for not having electricity but I’d be a hypocrite if I tell everyone how okay it is to not have electricity because we all know that’s not true. But anyway, I will be praying for everyone.

(I took photos after the storm and of other things during the black out, but the camera’s with my brother and I don’t want to mess with him right now because he has loads of things to do for school, so here’s a plain text post instead.)

Posted on 07/10/2014 by Lenn

Beautifully written articles are my inspiration to chase after my dream of inspiring the world with my thoughts. I just love stumbling over a blog with great content, and having to read how they started always gives me hope that one day my dream will come true.

I may not have taken up journalism, nor will I be one of the greatest journalist and/or writer, but having to inspire people with this blog will always be enough for me.

Six Rules for Newly Weds

Posted on 07/05/2014 by Lenn

Always say ‘I love you’ to each other.

Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.

Say at least one compliment to your partner everyday.

Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

If one of you has to win an argument, let it be the maid.

Never bring up past mistakes when in an argument, it will only worsen the situation.

I’ve attended a wedding today and the bride’s father included this on his speech. It really actually made sense even if he made a joke about some of it.

Posted on 01/28/2014 by Lenn

For so long, I kept myself away from people. I forced myself to keep everything bottled up inside for somewhere along the way, I lost it. I stopped trusting people because I don’t know who the real ones are anymore. They keep hiding behind their masks.

I learned to keep everything to myself. To just sleep through the night with all these thoughts, with all the monsters in my head. I swear it’s getting worse, the monsters are getting bigger and they keep feeding themselves with all the things inside my head. I don’t know, maybe I’ll keep losing it until there’s nothing left of me.

Insurmountable

Posted on 06/25/2013 by Lenn

I keep on saying that my dream is to inspire the world with my words, and now, I realized that I keep saying them whenever someone asks me, “What do you want to do that will truly make you happy?”. Yet I don’t even think I did something remarkable through my words that could at least inspire a few people.

Sometimes, when I’m alone, my thoughts drift to things and I am filled with thoughts to say and write, but I seem to lack the courage to let people know about it because I’m afraid that I might not be able to put the right words together to inspire them or to even make them read it.

Sometimes, it’s when I do not intend to write that the words simply fall naturally good together. And usually, that side of me appears when I am alone and in a daze, at night when I am the only person awake, when I think and even when I read. That part of me comes out without me knowing and intending to.

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Put all the negativity aside and make room for all the positive things in life. There maybe tons of ups and downs but always put in mind that despite and in spite of everything, never ever give up. Never lose hope, because everything will be okay. In time.

Yes, it is easier said than done, but all you have to do is have faith and always embrace life’s grotesqueness to find your way to the happiness you have long been searching for.

Never forget that God has reasons, and whatever His reason may be, put your trust on Him for He knows what He’s doing. Smile and do your best!

Source: dustyrpomises

Lenn of Spades ♠

Tag Archives: writing