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Hi, it’s almost 8:00 p.m. and the weather’s matching with my mood and I’m writing just to release everything that’s bottled up inside my head. This is the only thing I can go to and the only thing I know that would help me think properly, somehow… My fingers can’t stop typing and my tears keep rolling down my cheek. I hate it when I’m like this.

I’ve been feeling a little bit lost lately, and life has been quite dragging. I know, I know, I keep on complaining but the level of tiredness I feel right now is just way over the average amount. Don’t get me wrong, 2016 has been one of the greatest years, so far, but sometimes, there are days or moments that the universe just likes to fuck things up. Sometimes, I feel like I’m always being tested and that it’s already way beyond what I can deal with.

I hate that I have so little people in my life whom I can talk with about these things. My best friend’s so far away and I know that she’s dealing with a lot of things right now, too, and I’m the only one who can listen to her and comfort her during these times. I feel so sad and most of the time it frustrates me because I don’t even know why I feel the way I feel. I try to be happy during the day, but when I get home, or when I’m alone, I just can’t get rid of it. Well, I don’t know what to do and this post is just a random rant and I have nothing else to say.

I just wanna feel okay again.

Source: dustypromises

A Breather From Stress

Posted on 09/02/2016 by Lenn

We all need some time to unwind and a long weekend is the perfect time to do it. My family decided to spend it in Tagaytay wherein it’s quiet and peaceful. Since the internet has been really toxic and the city, work and everything else has been stressing me out lately, I know that I needed this “time out” from the rest of the world.

While the others went to the grocery to buy enough food and stuff we needed for our three-day stay, I, on the other hand, just stayed in and read all my pending comic book reads and I also started reading a new novel during our first day. Life has been really getting in the way recently and I’ve been in the longest reading slump, ever. I hope I get to finish what I’m reading right now.

On the second day, we ate lunch out. We tried this new Japanese resto. The food was actually very delicious. My brother and I have always been a sucker for Jap food. Japanese food is the best food. Always. The two of us also dropped by Serenitea and their place there was just ozumsauce. It’s all too cute for my life.

On Monday morning, my aunt and her husband woke us up to jog with them. My brother mostly just hunted for Pokemons around the place while I tried running a few laps until I eventually gave up and just took photos of random stuff around the area using my phone. I’m still learning my way through ~*photography*~ so bear with me.

Well, there goes my weekend. I’m still not through with The Manifesto On How To Be Interesting by Holly Bourne and I’m barely halfway through the book, but I’ll get the hang of it. I promise.

#notetoself

Posted on 08/08/2016 by Lenn

Sometimes, you lose sight of what was once so clear, not because you don’t want it anymore, but because there are some things about it that have become way out of control.

No matter how beautiful something is, life just keeps hitting you straight in the face just to point out that you just can’t have it smoothly, but that should never hinder you from believing in your capacity to work things out.

I hope I can.

Self & Career

Posted on 06/14/2016 by Lenn

Self:

Life can really be tricky sometimes. The past week has been really crazily busy and I don’t even know how I managed to survive it. I had to attend to two different family reunions and my bestfriend’s birthday slash farewell party (since she’s going to work for Qatar Airways and she’s scheduled to leave tomorrow already), not only that, I was also bombarded with problems that I didn’t really know how to cope up with. It’s really frustrating when people push you to do something you’re not happy about and I hate it when people tell me how to live my life.

All my life, all I wanted was freedom to do whatever I want and decide for myself. I don’t need anyone else’s approval of what should and will make me happy. I don’t care if what I want and what I’m passionate about could be a risk. I prolonged this dream for so long already and I’m not letting anyone stop me from chasing it. Not again.

I just hope I get to figure things out really soon.

Career:

Though it is a struggle to wake up every morning and drag myself out of bed, work has been a little less stressful recently. Training will transcribe this week and it’s actually one of the things I’ve been looking forward to, since it will be with people with different English accents and though it will tie us to the company for another 6 months, I’m still looking at the positive note that I will learn something new out of the training that I can use for future needs.

March 28, 2016: Twenty Second

Posted on 03/29/2016 by Lenn

I can’t believe that just like that, it’s already been 22 years. Looking back, it seems like it was only yesterday when I keep complaining about how school is stressing the shit out of me and now, it’s been almost two years since I graduated and I’m still finding myself and learning so many things about life and the ‘real’ world.

It just feels so crazy looking back at how long I’ve been roaming this world and what’s crazier is that I don’t feel that it’s been that long already. Twenty two years. Wow, I’ve been through a lot and I can’t imagine that somehow, I survived everything and I’m still about to face so much more. With that, I’ve compiled 22 things I’ve learned and here they are:

You don’t have to have it all figured out. Your 20s is all about enjoying life, exploring and learning new things.
Cut out toxic people in your life. If they keep trying to pull you down, you don’t need them.
Invest in relationships worth investing. If these people support you and help you grow as a person, keep them and further nurture your relationship with them. Family, friends, colleagues, boyfriend/girlfriend.
Always think positive.
What others think of you isn’t important. It’s none of your business and it should not drag you down.
Your failures doesn’t define you, what defines you is how you stood up and tried again.
Never compare your experiences with others’.
Pursue your passion. Always do what you think is best for you, if it doesn’t go as planned, who cares? The thing is, you tried.
Never be terrified of taking a break from the rest of the world.
You cannot please everyone. You will be criticized and judged in everything you do, just accept it and continue to do things that will make you and your loved ones happy.
Let yourself be heard.
Do not let the negativity of the world consume you.
Always trust your instincts.
Learn from your mistakes. There is no point in regretting what is already said and done.
Always take a moment to stop and notice the little things that can make you happy.
Stop thinking too much of the future and live in the ‘now’.
If it makes you happy, do it.
It’s never a bad thing to put yourself first.
It’s never too late to start anew.
When God closes a window, know that he is about to open a gate.
No obstacle is ever too hard when you have faith in Him.
The only constant thing in this world is change and all we have to do is accept all the changes and keep moving forward. We may usually not see it clearer at the moment, but rest assured, it’s all for the best.

There are really no words to describe how blessed and thankful I feel to be surrounded by awesome people. I cannot really pinpoint when and where it started, and how, but somehow, I woke up one day with a big smile on my face and realized that there are so many things to be thankful about. Truly, God always has a better plan for each and every downfall. I woke up one day and despite the stress, I know that I am happy and that this is all worth the wait and the struggle and the hurt. I finally understood, I finally know who and what I am waking up for. I may not have it all figured out yet, but I know that I will, soon.

On Reading

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Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been fascinated whenever I see someone reading a book. It always seems to me that they shut the world out and they’re in a different dimension, but what really started this hobby was when our English teacher asked us to read Plagues and Federation: Diary of Kitty Barnes by Vashti Farrer for our book report and then I started reading Nicholas Sparks books and it was heavenly and after that, I never really knew how to leave the house without anything to read inside my bag anymore.

These days, I find it really hard to squeeze in some reading because I’ve been busy with a lot of things; Work, family, basketball and other stuff too. I was still able to finish reading one or two books a month during the past year but this year, so far, I suck at my reading challenge/status. I still haven’t finished anything since 2016 started and I’m really frustrated about it.

I’m currently stuck with White Hot Kiss by Jennifer L. Armentrout and it’s really going well and I don’t have a decent excuse about not being able to finish it other than I usually just end up sleeping when I get home from work. So, yeah. Boo me.

Source: dustypromises

Missing in Action

Posted on 11/23/2015 by Lenn

So where have I been in the past three weeks?!

I’ve been kind of busy with life lately. Trying to find myself in the midst of everything that happened this year and so far, I’m happy with the little things unfolding before my eyes and yesterday, I thanked God for all the things he has blessed me with, I know that what he took away is leading me to something better. It feels very calming to know that things have changed for the better and losing a few people isn’t always a bad thing.

I am currently enjoying every moment of my life and I’ve learned not to let negative things and people affect my vibe and so far, it’s going pretty well. The past three weeks has been a mix and clash of so many things and to make it up, here’s what transcribed:

Lunch out with the whole team @ Kenny Roger’s.

Watched Goosebumps with my bestfriend x Thai food for lunch!

Visited my Grandpa’s brother @ Victoria, Laguna which has always been a peaceful place for me.

Stayed at our rest house in Tagaytay during the APEC week. The signal may have been really crappy, I can’t send a text properly and I didn’t have a decent connection to the internet as well, but I’ve had a really great time. It was such a great time to rest and unwind from all the things happening in the city. Plus, I’ve managed to finish reading two awesome books in just four days! It’s been a really long while since that happened and I’m very happy about it!

Also, we went to Ayala to eat lunch during our last day in Tagaytay and this shop caught my attention because it’s so pretty!

So, that’s just about it! I’m currently reading the last book in The Mortal Instruments series which is the City of Heavenly Fire. It’s quite a long read, over 700+ pages, I think, but I woke up one day and just wanted to know how Clary and Jace’s story will end. I’ve actually bought this the day it was released and I kept it in my shelf for a year because I didn’t think I was ready to end their story, but recently, I’ve been craving for the old Shadowhunter feeling so.

I’ll probably write a quick review about what I think about the two books I finished reading over the short vacation that I’ve had in the next few days, so until then, I’ll leave you with this cliche of a quote, but I’ve recently proven to be true:

“Not everything and everyone you lose is a loss.”

Journ

Posted on 11/03/2015 by Lenn

One day, I woke up with the sudden realization that I have to work on my dream of becoming a writer. I’ve already wasted a year of not doing anything about it that it started to haunt me everywhere.

I’ve always said that I really wanted to take up Journalism because writing has always been something I am fond of doing but my parents didn’t want me to. So instead, I took up a course that I didn’t really like. I survived school, I graduated on time, I can also say that I made my parents proud but I didn’t make myself proud. I went and marched on that stage a year ago with a smile on my face that everyone thought was so genuine but it wasn’t. That night, when I got home, I stayed awake until dawn… It hurt, it hurt so much that I felt it in my bones.

The next day, I woke up and promised myself to practice and never stop writing no matter what. I did. I wrote book reviews, I wrote about sports, I wrote personal experiences, I wrote about everything I could write about.

Yesterday, a friend asked me what course I took up in college and the conversation went on and on until I opened up about always wanting to take up Journalism. He told me that he would try to refer me to a friend of his who works in a known newspaper company and my eyes automatically lit up. I considered that conversation a sign that I should do something about this dream of mine sooner or later. I don’t want to regret not being able to pursue it when I grow old.

Five Songs I’ve Been Obsessing Over Lately

Posted on 10/12/2015 by Lenn

These songs aren’t really new but these are the songs that have had me going cray in the past two weeks or so. It’s just the right mix and clash of OPM and foreign pop rock. Enjoy listening!

1. Sa Ibang Mundo – Nadine Lustre & Kean Cipriano

2. Comeback Kid – Against the Current

3. Talk – Against the Current

4. Almost Is Never Enough – Ariana Grande ft. Nathan Sykes

5. Pasensya Ka Na – Silent Sanctuary

These are songs that have given me so much feels lately. 🙂

Farewell, Lolo Jo

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Last Friday, we were shocked with another heart-breaking news. Another person who was very dear to our family passed away.

Lolo Joe was my grandfather’s uncle, his mom’s brother. Last May, we got the news that he was very ill and was having a hard time eating. He was confined in the hospital for weeks but was also discharged. I remember how relieved we all were when he was finally discharged, we visit him almost every week in their house at BF until he was confined again and undergone an operation. The operation was successful and for a moment, we all thought he was getting better, he even gained weight.

So last Friday, September 25, two weeks after his operation, I was at the salon and was having my hair done which was an annual routine for me, and then I got a message from my mom that Lolo Joe is, again, badly ill. I informed my hairstylist that I wouldn’t have my hair colored anymore. My grandparents just got to our rest house in Tagaytay that morning and was rushing back home right after they got the news. At around 11:40, my mom texted me again and told me that he’s already gone. I was so teary-eyed at the salon. I went home crying because the last time I saw him was at the hospital, after his operation. We all thought he was getting better.

I hated myself for being so selfish because I didn’t want him to die even when I know that he’s already too tired. A hundred years really is something. I know he misses his parents, his sister and wife, but I seriously wasn’t ready to lose him.

Lolo Joe, I know you’re happy now and I’m sorry that it took me a hard time to really let you go. We miss you, we miss you so much it hurts. We miss you everyday. Rest in peace, Lolo. See you soon.

Source: dustypromises

Lenn of Spades ♠

Tag Archives: life