Tag Archives: blogging

An Excerpt From My Diary Dated August 3, 2018

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A lot of things happened today. It felt like tomorrow would be the end of the world. We had so much fun until we had to say goodbye.

It hurts so much. I didn’t want him to leave – I didn’t want to let him go. My heart was racing the whole evening and my stomach felt like it’s spinning. I wanted to throw up at the thought that I wouldn’t be able to talk to him in the next two weeks or even forever.

The thought of him not wanting me to be a part of his life scares the hell out of me. I badly wanted to tell him to just hold my hand and choose me every single day of his life, but I didn’t. I sucked at asking people to stay because I’m afraid of getting rejected.

I know I have to stay strong and be ready to face whatever he decides to do, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

Witch Hour

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As kids, we were told that 3 a.m. is that time of the night when our human bodies are at low tide and our blood moves slower than usual. While, on the other hand, it is the time when the witches and demons are at their most powerful state because it is said that the thin line between our world and the “other side” is pulled aside at 3 a.m.

While most of us are sleeping soundly at this time, folklore also suggests that our dreams are a form of communication with the supernatural and are potentially dangerous. I’ve even read somewhere that most people in hospitals die at this hour.

But as we grow up, the witch hour turns out to be that time in the morning when he picks you up and offers to hold your bag for you.

It’s that time in the day when he kisses your forehead and tells you how much he loves you.

It’s that time in the afternoon when he walks you home or texts you good night.

It’s that point in your life when he stops doing all those things with you as you realize that he’s already found someone else to spend his time with just as how he used to spend it with you.

You see, the devil doesn’t always look as bad. He doesn’t always have horns, or fangs, or a tail. Most of the time, he looks exactly how you’d picture an angel to be.

You

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In the place where every ending is entangled with a new beginning, and each night is a bridge to another day…

You came at the time when I wasn’t looking, at the time when all my doors and windows are closed. You came knocking at my doorstep without uttering a single word as I let you in without questions asked. I opened the door, welcomed you in, and made you feel comfortable.

I will let you stay in the depths of my heart for as long as you want. I will let you make my entirety your home and my love your blanket.

Let me fill your days with certainty as you stay calm in my arms every day. So as when you close your eyes and sleep, you wouldn’t have to worry, because I will still love you the moment you wake up.

I will walk with you, stop at places if you ever feel tired, and I’d even walk backwards if we ever feel the need to trace back our tracks.

I may not know if my love would ever suffice how I truly feel for you and I may not be the prettiest girl to brag about, but please let me choose you every single day for the rest of my life.

Because in my eyes, there is only you.

I love you.

Candor: An Ongoing Process

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One thing that I am continuously learning from my relationship is that it is always better to love with your whole heart than to contain your feelings as if they are your own prisoner.

I know it’s difficult to openly express your feelings for someone and be transparent with them as it may seem like you’re setting yourself up for getting your heart broken, but when you come to think of it (and do think of it), you might end up breaking it, too, when you keep bottling up your feelings.

I always tend to overthink things and loving someone whole-heartedly without any constraints or reservations is an ongoing process for me — but with the right person, it is worth taking the risk.

So, go on with the process of setting aside your fears. You’ll be surprised how easy and natural it feels to show your person how much you love them.

And if you still get your heart broken in the end, at least you know you’ve done your part and, I think, that’s what’s important — that will always be enough.

2018

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If there is one thing that I learned this year, it’s that I don’t have to feel bad about feeling the way I feel and that following whatever it is that my heart desires isn’t selfish. I came to the realization that when it comes to my happiness, other people’s opinion does not matter.

Sometimes, life has its own way of giving you exactly what you need packaged in the most unexpected circumstances and it’s up to you if you’ll grab it and hold on to it or let it pass you by. In my case, I held on to it and fought so hard just to make it work. I had to, because if I didn’t, I would’ve lost my only chance at happiness.

I’ve fought so many silent battles and I had to keep reminding myself every single day that everything will be alright sooner or later.

This year, I fell in love with someone who constantly shows me that I don’t have to fight my battles alone. Someone who not only brings out the best in me, but also sees every flaw and still believes in me.

This year may have been full of twists and turns, but I still ended up where I wanted to be — with him.

2018 may not have been how I pictured it to be, but it was surprisingly everything I never thought I needed.

Concept

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I hate it when people stare at me
or notice the way I dress,
or the way I talk.
I hate talking in front of a huge crowd,
even if it’s only for less than five minutes.
I like the peacefulness of just being
in the background of things.

Then there was you,
and suddenly,
I want every bit of attention
from you.

The bottom line is,
I don’t want to be just in the background
of your story.
I don’t want to be just a concept.
I want to be the one
who fills your mind,
day in and day out.
I want to occupy every inch of your system,
your world —  your future.

Falling for the Universe

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My mind is filled with so much thought of you that I think of you in everything that I do.

Yesterday, I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest because of my love for you.

Today, my heart feels like it’s detonating because it is filled with so much of you.

Tomorrow, my love for you will continue to grow until it spreads through every part of my system.

It will spread through every part of me like the way the sun’s rays spreads through the Earth and brightens each of our days.

You ignited so much within me that my love for you will soon be as enormous as the universe itself.

The point is, my love for you is consuming that even through your worst days and even through the days when you show how fundamentally flawed you are, I will still love you as much.

Universe & You

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I never asked for anything, yet I found someone who not only shines like a star but resembles the whole universe…

You are the Sun that promises beautiful mornings, lovely afternoons, new beginnings, and brighter days.

You are the Moon that guards the night with its light on the darkest of hours.

You are all of the stars — you shine so beautifully that my heart seems to be at its most tranquil state even by just staring at you.

You are all the planets that fill and complete the solar system. You are both breath-taking and inexplicable; you are a mystery that I am willing to spend my entire life solving.

But most of all, you are my today and all of my tomorrows. You are a blessing that I will forever thank God for giving me.

Plot Twist

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This is probably one of the rawest things I have ever written.

I wasn’t looking for love, yet I found him – the line may sound cliché but the whole story is far from that. I found him under the strangest of circumstances, at the most unexpected place and time. It wasn’t something people or even I would’ve easily liked nor understood, but it happened.

If someone told me a few months back that I would be in that situation, I would’ve laughed at their face. To be completely honest, I never really understood it until I was in the exact same situation and defending myself won’t make it right nor would it make me any less at fault. Maybe I was selfish but being with him felt more right than anything I ever did my entire life. I can apologize to the people I’ve hurt in the process, but I know my apology won’t lessen their pain.

I could’ve walked away right then and there if I followed my mind instead of my heart, but in that moment, I was willing to take the risk. Heck, I was even willing to jump headfirst into the pits of the problem, if it meant spending the rest of my life with him. In fact, if I was ever given the chance to walk away beforehand, I would still choose to go through the process of falling in love with him.

The thing is, I have always tried to be the good girl everyone wants me to be. I’ve been following the rules my whole life but for once–just this once–I want to do something for myself. It’s not just about me wanting to break the rules nor trying to be a “rebel,” but it’s more about the thought that I’m letting the possibility of being genuinely happy pass me by just because I want to please the people around me.

There are no words to describe how I feel about him. We could hold each other’s hands forever and that still wouldn’t suffice how much I want to be near him. I never liked it when someone invades my personal space, but somehow, with him, invading my personal space isn’t enough; suddenly, ‘too close’ isn’t quite enough.

So, tell me, how could I ever let the greatest plot twist of all time slip away from my grasp just like that?

A Recap on All the TV Series & Movies I Watched Recently

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To start with, there are a lot of TV series that I’ve started watching before but didn’t really caught up on because the season breaks are too long that most of the time, I lose interest. Recently, though, I signed up for Netflix’s free-trial and have watched a lot of series. I used to just watch some of the series that I think is interesting online, but the server of the website where I was watching has always been down recently and it frustrated the heck out of me. So I decided to sign up for Netflix and just pay for it after the free-trial. So here they are:

Riverdale (2016- )

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It all started with Riverdale. I was just instantly hooked the moment I watched the pilot episode almost two years ago, but as usual, I got tired of waiting for the next episode to be uploaded online. And then, I tried watching it again this year and I just couldn’t get enough. The reason I got so interested in watching this series is because I have always been a big fan of the Archie comics and Riverdale’s dark take on the comics has really piqued my interest.

Stranger Things (2016- )

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I didn’t really think I’d like this as much as I do now. My cousin has been so addicted to this series, so I started watching it after I finished the last episode of Riverdale Season 2. I personally loved Dustin because he’s so adorable! I can’t wait for season 3.

Gerald’s Game (2017)

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This was a hell of a movie. It messed not only with my mind, but with my emotions. Upon watching the film, all I can think about is, “How much of mess would it cause me if I read the book?” Because I know how Stephen King writes. He’s very talented to the point that he can and he will get in your head.

When We First Met (2018)

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All I can say about this movie is that it’s too cute. I love the idea of the film and the twist at the end. The message (for me, at least) is that no matter how much you try to alter things, what’s meant to be will always find its way. So might as well just do your best at everything because you will always end up where you’re supposed to be.