A lot of things happened today. It felt like tomorrow would be the end of the world. We had so much fun until we had to say goodbye.

It hurts so much. I didn’t want him to leave – I didn’t want to let him go. My heart was racing the whole evening and my stomach felt like it’s spinning. I wanted to throw up at the thought that I wouldn’t be able to talk to him in the next two weeks or even forever.

The thought of him not wanting me to be a part of his life scares the hell out of me. I badly wanted to tell him to just hold my hand and choose me every single day of his life, but I didn’t. I sucked at asking people to stay because I’m afraid of getting rejected.

I know I have to stay strong and be ready to face whatever he decides to do, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.