The Last

Posted on 08/30/2015 by Lenn

Writing has always been some sort of emotional therapy for me. And so I believe that writing these feelings down can ease whatever I am feeling right now.

I’ve always believed in second chances and maybe that was the reason why I chose to work things out with you last year. Now that I know the truth, looking back at everything, I realized that maybe not everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe it should only be given to someone who is sincere and determined to make things right. I was so stupid to ever think that you could still change. You are hopeless.

Honestly, I just regret wasting another year on someone who didn’t even deserve to be forgiven in the first place. I should’ve listened to everyone before, I shouldn’t have settled for less. Your words remained words. Well, I guess, what do I expect from someone like you? I knew I didn’t deserve to be treated that way, no girl deserves to, but I was stupid because of everything you said. Now I know that guys like you aren’t to be trusted.

To make things clear, I am not hurt because I still love you. Damn, no. I’m done with that, I’m hurt because people like you take advantage of other people who did nothing but love and fight for you and quite frankly, what I feel towards you are more of anger and disgust than love and pity. It’s been almost two months since that day, I never messaged or called you after the first two days. I got so fed up of you doing that to me that I finally learned how to deal with it. I didn’t chase you anymore because I was so fucking tired of doing that. I used to do that, but surprise, surprise, I grew the fuck up and realized my worth. I tried my hardest to move on but you were the one who kept calling and leaving random messages. And that, I admit, confused me a bit. But with everything that I found out last night, well, it just proved how much of an asshole you are.

You are a living and walking hell and I am so sorry for anyone who will ever love you in the future. One thing I know is that I am glad that you’re finally out of my life. I am finally free and I can finally be happy. I never truly believed that letting go was the easiest way out, until today.

You were asking for my forgiveness but you never for one bit thought of how fucking big the damage you’ve caused have been? You are a self-centered bastard and I can’t believe that I loved someone like you. I don’t know you anymore. You turned into a fucking monster and now you don’t know how to change it.

From this day on, I promise to put myself first. Call me selfish but I’ve been putting others first for far too long and all I earned from doing that was deep scars and bruises from bullets that were fired by the exact person I was trying to save and protect. It’s time to put myself first, it’s time to save myself from the monster and the nightmare that is you.

This serves as the last and final letter I will write about you and for you. You don’t deserve that power over me anymore.

I AM SO DONE, GOOD BYE.

Heart VS Brain

Posted on 07/25/2014 by Lenn

A lot of people kept saying that you should listen to your brain instead of your heart, because following your heart usually just leads you to getting hurt and taken for granted. But I’ve always admired the heart most, people may say that always listening to your heart would lead you nowhere and that you’re stupid for always chasing someone who doesn’t really appreciate all the efforts you did for them. But on the other hand, did anyone ever thought about how stronger the heart is?

The brain would usually tell you to stop because you’re going to get hurt, because you’re not going to get what you want and you’re just wasting your time on things or people that doesn’t even care about you. But the heart knows about that too, that the people you’re wasting time on doesn’t really appreciate anything you do, but it still goes on. It still chooses to love them, it still keeps going no matter how shattered it already is, because the heart is strong enough to chase after the things and people that it beats for while the brain kept telling you things to back out because it’s always usually just scared. The brain doesn’t want to go through challenges while the heart is selfless enough to do everything even if it means being broken.

Glenda

Posted on 07/19/2014 by Lenn

I’m sure the name deserves to be the title of this post, after four freaking days of not having electricity. Damn, that typhoon even deserves a standing ovation from boredom.

Anyway, I’ve been really really on the edge of cutting my wrist out of boredom. Loljk! The past four days has been the most unproductive days of my whole existence as of today.

I was actually considering that we won’t have electricity until the 22nd but thank God for today! We’ve been really having a hard time during the evenings and the likes. But hey, the good thing about the non-electricity days were that I started reading The Sea of Tranquility and I’m almost half done, I didn’t start right after the electricity has gone out but last Thursday. And so far, I’m loving it! I’ve tried reading it a few times before but I can’t quite figure out why I can’t seem to push further than Chapter 1. But oh well, there really is a time for everything!

I’ve been really eager to have the electricity back because I can’t stand not being able to have distractions. The past four days has been really crucial for me, since I am left all afternoon and evening with my thoughts. And I tell you, my thoughts aren’t really the friendly type. They could kill me by letting me choke on all the memories I have and I could actually go on and on thinking where we could have gone wrong and I swear, it’ll leave me crazy.

So that’s how I dealt with all the shit that typhoon brought us. But I’m still thankful because there are other people suffering without a home or a shelter to stay in, and I’ve been really guilty for having to complain for not having electricity but I’d be a hypocrite if I tell everyone how okay it is to not have electricity because we all know that’s not true. But anyway, I will be praying for everyone.

(I took photos after the storm and of other things during the black out, but the camera’s with my brother and I don’t want to mess with him right now because he has loads of things to do for school, so here’s a plain text post instead.)

Six Rules for Newly Weds

Posted on 07/05/2014 by Lenn

Always say ‘I love you’ to each other.

Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.

Say at least one compliment to your partner everyday.

Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

If one of you has to win an argument, let it be the maid.

Never bring up past mistakes when in an argument, it will only worsen the situation.

I’ve attended a wedding today and the bride’s father included this on his speech. It really actually made sense even if he made a joke about some of it.

Posted on 01/28/2014 by Lenn

For so long, I kept myself away from people. I forced myself to keep everything bottled up inside for somewhere along the way, I lost it. I stopped trusting people because I don’t know who the real ones are anymore. They keep hiding behind their masks.

I learned to keep everything to myself. To just sleep through the night with all these thoughts, with all the monsters in my head. I swear it’s getting worse, the monsters are getting bigger and they keep feeding themselves with all the things inside my head. I don’t know, maybe I’ll keep losing it until there’s nothing left of me.

Insurmountable

Posted on 06/25/2013 by Lenn

I keep on saying that my dream is to inspire the world with my words, and now, I realized that I keep saying them whenever someone asks me, “What do you want to do that will truly make you happy?”. Yet I don’t even think I did something remarkable through my words that could at least inspire a few people.

Sometimes, when I’m alone, my thoughts drift to things and I am filled with thoughts to say and write, but I seem to lack the courage to let people know about it because I’m afraid that I might not be able to put the right words together to inspire them or to even make them read it.

Sometimes, it’s when I do not intend to write that the words simply fall naturally good together. And usually, that side of me appears when I am alone and in a daze, at night when I am the only person awake, when I think and even when I read. That part of me comes out without me knowing and intending to.

RE: RH Bill

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So we tackled the said bill earlier in our Profeth class.

One of our classmates said that he is Pro RH Bill, because for him, it will help the Philippines grow, that the Philippines should let go of the tradition we have and move on, because as of now, the Philippines isn’t moving forward. Which I think is true, he has a point. Because the Bill isn’t mainly about ‘killing babies’, as to what others claim. Looking at the bright side, it will help lessen the population of the Philippines, which is continuously growing through the years. There are also Sex Education for the teenagers, so that they would know what is right and just. It is helping the economy and the country grow as a whole. Our Prof said, we are not sure that RH Bill is the key to the problem. But for me, we should give it a try, right? Since he mentioned that we aren’t sure if it is the key to the problem but how would we know if we don’t try.

On the other hand, our Prof also has a point when he said that the people in the higher position who wanted to make this a law will only benefit on it. As long as money is involved, their concern will always be focused on it. Plus, he also stated that young adults will just abuse the legalization of the bill.

Note that I’m not really Pro nor Anti the Bill. Just looking at both side and both views have a point.

Source: dustypromises

Gun Shot

Posted on 01/02/2013 by Lenn

Everyone knows well enough that firing a gun in the air could kill someone, because it doesn’t get anywhere, it only stays near the area where you have fired it. It would eventually hit someone. Events like this usually happen in New Year’s Eve.

This has always been an issue ever since, and I don’t get why people keep on doing it when they know very well that it has killed a lot of people in the past. I am blogging about this because I really really love children, and the little girl named Nicole died because of it. It just hurts me, I feel the pain her parents feel. I have always been in love with kids, I am fond of playing with them. I tend to smile at them, give them a candy or help them with something even when I don’t know them. And hearing news like these just breaks my heart into a million pieces. It saddened me to have heard that she had passed away this afternoon.

I hope everyone learned from these, I hope that next year, nothing like this would happen again. I hope and pray that they find the person who fired the gun as soon as possible. I know whoever he is knows what he has done and I don’t friggin know how their conscience stands keeping quiet. Please, have a heart. </3

Goodbye, 2012

Posted on 12/31/2012 by Lenn

Another year is about to end, but that does not mean that it is the end of everything. In just a few hours 2012 will be part of our history. In 2013, do what you want to do for you, for your happiness and for the people you love. Make the best out of everything that goes along the way. Be what you want to be, change for the better, learn from the past and always be happy.

2012 has been one heck of a roller coaster ride to all of us. As for me, I have gained and lost things and people, I have learned how to cherish everything while I still have them. I have cried a river of tears, but I have collected an ocean of smiles and laughter. Whatever I have lost, I know that God has a purpose and He has a better plan for me. With all that, I am very much thankful to the Lord our God for all the blessings and challenges He has given me, I realized that He trusts me so much for giving me all those problems that I have encountered and now conquered.

Right now, I am ready for a fresh start. And I hope you guys are too! Let us all welcome 2013 and thank God for giving each of us another year to live and improve ourselves. Smile as 2013 unfolds in front of us. ♥

Happy New Year, readers.

#OnReading

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Reading is life, not a hobby.

For me, reading is an escape. It takes me to different places, it makes me drift off from where I am, which I literally hate. It gives me hope that someday I’ll be like the character in the story. It makes me fall in love with a character.

It makes me believe that everything is possible.

Source: dustypromises

Lenn of Spades ♠

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