I know I haven’t updated for a month or two, it’s just that I’ve been really busy with my new work. Even though the company that I currently work at is the same company where I’ve had my internship, adjusting has been really challenging. The transition hasn’t been easy as I do creative writing in my previous work while I do technical writing here. There were times that I felt like I will never get the hang of this, that things will crumble down for me again because it’s been so long since I last dealt with technical stuff like this, but I have to believe in myself more.

In fact, this whole year has been filled with challenges – I’ve left two jobs in just a year. It was hard, I feel like all the choices that I made were wrong. But I eventually learned how to cope and forgive myself for the wrong decisions that I made as it will make me stronger as time goes by.

Aside from work-related stuff, this year has also been crazy when it comes to my health. I constantly suffer from massive headaches which has been really bothersome. I recently got my eyes checked and learned that my eye grade has increased for both eyes, and I’m hoping that after using my new specs, my headaches would subside. Otherwise, I’d have to get my head checked too.

On the brighter side of things, 2017 has been a really great reading year for me. I’ve read 100 books out of my goal of 60 as of today! I hope that next year will be a better one as I plan to read more. Reading has been one of the things that keeps me sane despite all that’s happened this year, it was my stress-reliever and escape from the world when it seems like it’s too much. Well, aside from my year being filled with DC superhero-related books and comic books, I can say that Percy Jackson has been a really big part of my 2017. I just can’t imagine what I was doing the past couple of years and why I haven’t read it until this year, but as I keep saying, it’s better late than never!

There goes my quick update, I hope everyone’s having a good time and that we hold on tight as the end of the year is fast-approaching. 🙂

Hello, hello! I hope that all is well for everyone.

I’m currently on an almost month-long break after I resigned. I’ve found a new job as a technical writer at this BPO company in Makati where I interned at, it’s not the kind of writing that I want but I figured it’ll do as I know most of the people working there and I just feel so welcomed and I haven’t even started yet. I start on the 19th, by the way.

So anyway, I’ve been on “vacation” for two weeks now, and I can say that I’m enjoying it; the rest, the time to myself, and all the books and comic books that I get to read and catch up with. I’ve read a total of 19 books for the month of August (5 novels, 2 poem books, and 12 comic books)! I’ll be writing reviews on the novels and poem books soon.

At this point, I just want to enjoy life and the rest that I have and hope and pray that the company where I’ll be working at soon is far better than the last one. 

I’ve been having frequent headaches these past couple of days yet I kept dragging myself up every morning, trying to convince myself that I can do this; that there’s only a few weeks left. The only remedy that made my days bearable was drinking a cup of hot Mexican chocolate that’s just perfect for the crazy weather we’ve been having recently.

Four months — It only took 4 months for me to realize that this is not what I want and this is not where I belong. I’ve always wanted to write, and I have to admit that as soon as I was offered a job as a content writer, I jumped right into it, head first. And guess where that brought me? Nope, not exactly where I wanted to be.

The past four months has been really hard for me and looking back, I don’t even know how I managed to get through every week with only Sunday as my rest day. Don’t get me wrong, I would never regret leaving my previous job before this, but I hate how I feel like I’ve been tricked into this job, like everyone lied to me.

I was never informed during my interview of the important details, and the worst part is, I asked and all they fed me was pure lies. I am angry, and stressed out, but what can I do? I tried to catch up, I did everything, my monthly evaluation even says that I’m doing greater than what they expected. But it’s hard and I’m tired, and I can’t do it anymore.

So two weeks ago, I finally had the guts to file my resignation. I didn’t regret it, in fact, I found myself breathing a sigh of relief. I just can’t wait to get out of here.

Life is the greatest challenge of all; there are times when I think that I just can’t do it anymore. Times when all I want to do is pack my things and run away. Sometimes, everything comes crashing down on me and the worst part is, most of the time, I have no idea how to make it stop.

The thing is, it’s true that the world doesn’t stop for anybody. We’re all humans, we’re all going through something that shatters us inside, it’s just a matter of how we deal with it. But really, I just feel like I’m too young to go through this much stress. The world keeps spinning, and it keeps dragging me as it goes. 

I know I’m not the only one going through this, heck, some people out there are going through something much worse. I know I’m no one special, but I just want to stop the cycle, to stop the pain.

Way back in college, I’ve always liked the idea of being an “adult.” Back then, it feels like everything in the “real world” is much easier than going to school and having to study for quizzes, exams, or preparing for thesis reports. So when I graduated, I was so happy and the future seemed so bright, yet here I am now — more confused than ever.

It started when my supervisor in my first job left for another job, and the one who replaced her can actually be pertained to as the epitome of stress. That caused the whole team to feel just as stressed as she was, and we grew farther away from each other. Before, we used to feel like we were family, despite the problems the team had to face every once in a while, but when she stepped in, it all suddenly just went crumbling down. 

So I eventually gathered up all the courage I have and looked for another job. I left with a heavy heart, because I’ve met a lot of awesome people there. We’ve become so close, that it felt like I could open up to them about everything. Yet, I thought, I had to leave for my future. I pursued my dreams of becoming a writer and was so happy that despite the little experience I have when it comes to writing, I was accepted for a job as one.

Little did I know that it would just add up to all the stress and depression that I’m already going through. It’s hard to explain, in a way, because the work itself is bearable and it’s actually what I wanted. But the environment, the surroundings, the schedule, the forced overtimes, the “owner…” Everything just added up to the stress. 

So right now, I don’t really know where I go from here. But I’ve been reading this book by Nicholas Sparks, See Me, and as I continued reading, there are parts of the book that feels like it’s giving me a sign:

“While she’d been certain that things would be better once she was settled in, she’d slowly come to realize that job stress simply came in different flavors, and this one wasn’t much better tasting than the one before it.”

Just exactly how I’m feeling. And here’s another one:

“Work is important because I have to support myself, but so are friends, health, rest.”

I am still weighing my options and I’m thinking all this through because I don’t want to jump right into something that I will regret soon. I just hope that I find the answer to all my questions, before I go insane with all that’s going on in my life right now.

Lately, life has been kind of suffocating. It’s actually crazy how at one point I thought that I finally got my shit together, then life happened and reality hit me straight on the face once again. 

It’s been months since I last felt okay and it’s been a struggle since then. And it’s hard knowing that no one can actually help me but myself and I haven’t felt this way before, ever. I badly want to scream and tell the world to stop and hold still for a second because I honestly can’t keep up anymore. 

I hate it, I hate this—not knowing what to do and where this is all coming from is very stressful. Suddenly, waking up every morning is the hardest thing to do and I always find myself looking forward to the afternoons when I get to go home and when I finally do get home, I feel exhausted and tired and helpless, not to mention the stress that adds up to it when everyone and everything at home seems to be in such chaos.

I’ve never felt so alone in my life and it’s crazy because I am almost always surrounded by people and the weird part is, on most days, I feel more at peace when I am alone at a coffee shop or at home than I am when I am with other people. Maybe I just got used to it, maybe I’m no longer happy with what’s currently happening in my life since everything has been “just a routine” and I don’t know how, but one thing is for sure, I gotta find my way out of this.