About Lenn

I write about my personal thoughts, experiences, and bookish fixations.

2018

Posted on 12/27/2018 by Lenn

If there is one thing that I learned this year, it’s that I don’t have to feel bad about feeling the way I feel and that following whatever it is that my heart desires isn’t selfish. I came to the realization that when it comes to my happiness, other people’s opinion does not matter.

Sometimes, life has its own way of giving you exactly what you need packaged in the most unexpected circumstances and it’s up to you if you’ll grab it and hold on to it or let it pass you by. In my case, I held on to it and fought so hard just to make it work. I had to, because if I didn’t, I would’ve lost my only chance at happiness.

I’ve fought so many silent battles and I had to keep reminding myself every single day that everything will be alright sooner or later.

This year, I fell in love with someone who constantly shows me that I don’t have to fight my battles alone. Someone who not only brings out the best in me, but also sees every flaw and still believes in me.

This year may have been full of twists and turns, but I still ended up where I wanted to be — with him.

2018 may not have been how I pictured it to be, but it was surprisingly everything I never thought I needed.

Plot Twist

Posted on 09/05/2018 by Lenn

This is probably one of the rawest things I have ever written.

I wasn’t looking for love, yet I found him – the line may sound cliché but the whole story is far from that. I found him under the strangest of circumstances, at the most unexpected place and time. It wasn’t something people or even I would’ve easily liked nor understood, but it happened.

If someone told me a few months back that I would be in that situation, I would’ve laughed at their face. To be completely honest, I never really understood it until I was in the exact same situation and defending myself won’t make it right nor would it make me any less at fault. Maybe I was selfish but being with him felt more right than anything I ever did my entire life. I can apologize to the people I’ve hurt in the process, but I know my apology won’t lessen their pain.

I could’ve walked away right then and there if I followed my mind instead of my heart, but in that moment, I was willing to take the risk. Heck, I was even willing to jump headfirst into the pits of the problem, if it meant spending the rest of my life with him. In fact, if I was ever given the chance to walk away beforehand, I would still choose to go through the process of falling in love with him.

The thing is, I have always tried to be the good girl everyone wants me to be. I’ve been following the rules my whole life but for once–just this once–I want to do something for myself. It’s not just about me wanting to break the rules nor trying to be a “rebel,” but it’s more about the thought that I’m letting the possibility of being genuinely happy pass me by just because I want to please the people around me.

There are no words to describe how I feel about him. We could hold each other’s hands forever and that still wouldn’t suffice how much I want to be near him. I never liked it when someone invades my personal space, but somehow, with him, invading my personal space isn’t enough; suddenly, ‘too close’ isn’t quite enough.

So, tell me, how could I ever let the greatest plot twist of all time slip away from my grasp just like that?

A Recap on All the TV Series & Movies I Watched Recently

Posted on 06/06/2018 by Lenn

To start with, there are a lot of TV series that I’ve started watching before but didn’t really caught up on because the season breaks are too long that most of the time, I lose interest. Recently, though, I signed up for Netflix’s free-trial and have watched a lot of series. I used to just watch some of the series that I think is interesting online, but the server of the website where I was watching has always been down recently and it frustrated the heck out of me. So I decided to sign up for Netflix and just pay for it after the free-trial. So here they are:

Riverdale (2016- )

It all started with Riverdale. I was just instantly hooked the moment I watched the pilot episode almost two years ago, but as usual, I got tired of waiting for the next episode to be uploaded online. And then, I tried watching it again this year and I just couldn’t get enough. The reason I got so interested in watching this series is because I have always been a big fan of the Archie comics and Riverdale’s dark take on the comics has really piqued my interest.

Stranger Things (2016- )

I didn’t really think I’d like this as much as I do now. My cousin has been so addicted to this series, so I started watching it after I finished the last episode of Riverdale Season 2. I personally loved Dustin because he’s so adorable! I can’t wait for season 3.

Gerald’s Game (2017)

This was a hell of a movie. It messed not only with my mind, but with my emotions. Upon watching the film, all I can think about is, “How much of mess would it cause me if I read the book?” Because I know how Stephen King writes. He’s very talented to the point that he can and he will get in your head.

When We First Met (2018)

All I can say about this movie is that it’s too cute. I love the idea of the film and the twist at the end. The message (for me, at least) is that no matter how much you try to alter things, what’s meant to be will always find its way. So might as well just do your best at everything because you will always end up where you’re supposed to be.

2017, So Far

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2017 has got to be the most challenging year for me so far. To start off, I left my first job in the hopes that the next one will be better but it wasn’t. In fact, it was more stressful and toxic than the first one and knowing that I made the wrong decision just because I was so eager to leave my first job—that broke me. It was hard to accept, I didn’t know where to go from there and what else to do, I lasted there for about four months. I just couldn’t handle the stress anymore, and I’ve never felt more tired.

After leaving my second job, I was blessed with finding a new one in the company where I interned. It brought back so many memories, but it all felt great knowing that I wouldn’t have a hard time adjusting with some of the people in the office. But after training, I was challenged again. This time it is because I feel like my skills doesn’t fit the job. My friends encouraged me that I will eventually get used to it, and I did. But still, there are moments when I feel like I don’t really know and understand what I’m doing. I’m still here though, learning as though I’m a student again. I hope I can survive.

The whole year was indeed full of challenges, but one thing is for sure, I learned a lot. I realized so many things about myself, who my real friends are, and more importantly, I learned so many things about life and adulthood. It’s not easy and it never will be, but I got to face each day with my head held up high because there are people who have it harder than me, people who are suffering and fighting for their lives, so I can’t just give up.

In 2018, I have no resolutions, no wishes, and no expectations. I decided to just go with the flow and whatever happens, happens. The universe may be tough, but it also gives us hope. So here’s to new challenges, lessons, and cheers to better days ahead. 💖

Source: dustypromises

Almost December

Posted on 11/27/2017 by Lenn

I know I haven’t updated for a month or two, it’s just that I’ve been really busy with my new work. Even though the company that I currently work at is the same company where I’ve had my internship, adjusting has been really challenging. The transition hasn’t been easy as I do creative writing in my previous work while I do technical writing here. There were times that I felt like I will never get the hang of this, that things will crumble down for me again because it’s been so long since I last dealt with technical stuff like this, but I have to believe in myself more.

In fact, this whole year has been filled with challenges – I’ve left two jobs in just a year. It was hard, I feel like all the choices that I made were wrong. But I eventually learned how to cope and forgive myself for the wrong decisions that I made as it will make me stronger as time goes by.

Aside from work-related stuff, this year has also been crazy when it comes to my health. I constantly suffer from massive headaches which has been really bothersome. I recently got my eyes checked and learned that my eye grade has increased for both eyes, and I’m hoping that after using my new specs, my headaches would subside. Otherwise, I’d have to get my head checked too.

On the brighter side of things, 2017 has been a really great reading year for me. I’ve read 100 books out of my goal of 60 as of today! I hope that next year will be a better one as I plan to read more. Reading has been one of the things that keeps me sane despite all that’s happened this year, it was my stress-reliever and escape from the world when it seems like it’s too much. Well, aside from my year being filled with DC superhero-related books and comic books, I can say that Percy Jackson has been a really big part of my 2017. I just can’t imagine what I was doing the past couple of years and why I haven’t read it until this year, but as I keep saying, it’s better late than never!

There goes my quick update, I hope everyone’s having a good time and that we hold on tight as the end of the year is fast-approaching. 🙂

Lenn of Spades ♠

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About Lenn