You Are What Matters

“I saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and I could do anything I wanted.” – Jack Kerouac

We’re kind of iffy when it comes to exploring things out of our comfort zone. What makes it a problem is that most of us would rather stick with the same familiar pain that have been hurting us for quite a long time. We settle for the pain that we’ve been trying to fix rather than just dive into a foreign one where new things await us — maybe with even lesser pain. Most of the time we’re overthinking about how we don’t want to mess things up — crowding our minds with the thought that we might be making the wrong decision or for most of us, we’re all just afraid of not being able to meet the standards that were built for us by other people — family, society, and friends.

Almost two years ago, I was bound to make a decision that will change a big part of my life. I was so eager to choose what I know is best for me and what I know for sure will make me happy, and that’s exactly what I did regardless of what other people might think of me. It wasn’t a very smooth journey and there were a lot of rough times, but up to this day, it is still one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

There are still other situations where it’s really hard to get it inside our minds to stop overthinking and just go for what we feel is right. Of course, it has always been easier said than done when we’re choosing between what we’ve grown too accustomed to and something entirely new. Personally, there were some situations in my life recently where I’ve been trying to tell myself that I shouldn’t care what these people think. A cornucopia of thoughts keep flooding up my mind and it’s not really mentally healthy anymore — these people tend to make me compare myself with someone else as if that person is the “standards” that I have to meet when I know for a fact that I am capable of doing way better. I know for sure that I am also capable of being the best person that I can be.

To be honest, I will never be like the person they prefer, because I know that in my own little ways, I am better and I am slowly trying to make as much progress in my life so that I can one day turn into the person I’ve always wanted to be; not what they think I should be. It’s okay to never meet someone’s standards, we don’t live for them anyways.

I know that there are days when we feel so down that no matter how many times a day we tell ourselves that we got this and that we are better than what they think — that they shouldn’t matter, at the back of my mind, it still does and it sucks that we’re having a hard time burying those thoughts away. I truly want to set myself free of all the chains that are preventing me to move forward but I also know that it takes time to rid myself of the poison in my head.

Slowly, that day will come, one step at a time. I just need to keep reminding myself that there are so many ways to live, and if I continue letting these people pull me down, I will end up in the pits of somewhere I don’t belong to. Sometimes our prison is our own mind, but please take some time to think things through and realize that we shouldn’t let these negative thoughts slow us down.

So to everyone feeling the same way, please always remember that there is so much beauty in each day. Free yourself of the prison that is your mind. May we all emancipate ourselves from this. We’ll all get through this.

Reading Shamelessly

In my country, being a bully is a thing when you’re in elementary. Back in the day, a lot of kids think that bullying gives them power and confidence which allows them to make the rules and trample on everyone who gets in their way. I wasn’t very popular, and some of my classmates made fun of me just for the sake of having someone to make fun of. I know I’m not the only person in the world who experienced this, but that doesn’t make me feel better. If anything, thinking about it and all those kids who’ve gone through the same thing saddens me even more.

Those elementary days were a tough phase for most of us. At the time, it used to make me sad, heck, I even come home crying on some days. However, I found solace in books. My books were the ones who stuck by me during those rough years of my life. I read a lot of Goosebumps, Nancy Drew, and Hardy Boys back then and they made me happy.

A couple of years later, one of those Scholastic Book Fairs was held in our school for the first time (which became an annual bookish event in our campus), and I was introduced to other genres. I stumbled upon Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling and up to this day, I am so happy that I picked it up all those years ago because it not only got me into reading fantasy and dystopian books, it also gave me the opportunity to travel and enter different countries and worlds without moving my feet.

Then, one day, I stumbled upon a box of all of my mom’s and aunt’s old books which consists of those little Sweet Valley High and Babysitters Club books along with some of Nicholas Sparks novels. I started reading them and was introduced to a new genre and an entirely different perspective.

At a young age, I was completely in love with chick lit. It instantly became on of my favorites. There were times when I would stay up so late reading books, bawling my eyes out because of how a Nicholas Sparks novel ended and I found myself wanting to read more and more books — I just couldn’t get enough. To this day, Nicholas Sparks is still my all-time favorite author when it comes to the contemporary romance genre.

Given that I was one of the target of bullies when I was in elementary, I didn’t have a lot of friends. Some of them even made fun of me because I liked reading books, called me a nerd, a dork, and other awful things. At some point, I stopped bringing my books in school. It was terrible but I never really let go of reading because why would I? They are my escape from this cruel world.

The few friends that I have wasn’t really that into reading so I didn’t have anyone to share my insights and feelings with. In high school, I decided to never let anyone bully me again. I did not turn into a bully myself, but I found the courage to talk back to people who say bad things about me. I managed to gain a bigger group of friends who I’m still friends with up to this day and the most important thing is most of them liked to read novels, too.

It was in the end of my high school years that I found out about John Green, Jenny Han, Paulo Coelho, and so many other authors. Then I lost track of the years. I read and devoured so many books in those years until college — until today.

To be honest, I would like to thank those bullies in my elementary years because if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have found out about the comfort and joy that books bring — I wouldn’t have fallen in love with reading. How about you? What’s that one bookish story you will never forget? What made you read books? Do you still remember the first book you’ve ever read? Tell me in the comments, I’d love to engage in your bookish journey.

Also, here are some links that I enjoyed reading online in the past couple of weeks of quaratine-ing:

 

26 Titles Since Year 1

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Photo taken by: JNVQ

It’s my birthday today, and this quarantine kind of sucks because I can’t celebrate it with the one person I would have loved to spend it with but I just keep in mind that this is all for the best. We need to stay separated for a while now, so that we can spend more birthdays together in the future.

For the past couple of years, I’ve been doing blog posts about the lessons I’ve learned in my x number of years here on Earth. This year, I thought that maybe I could tweak the concept a little because to be honest, I’m running out of lessons to take note of. Not that I do not learn new things anymore, but it’s just so hard to jot them down year after year. Also, to be honest, I feel like most of the lessons I write were carried over from the past year. So yeah, that concept kinda gets boring in time.

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My Usual Friday Night

How does my usual Friday night look like, you say? I try to relieve my stresses from the past work week by spending all night in my bedroom, reading a book (and sometimes drinking milk or tea). I just like the peacefulness I get when I’m locked inside my room with no one to bother me — free from the toxicity of the house.

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On the days where I don’t feel like reading at all (yes, it happens and I feel guilty about it), I watch random rom-coms or my favorite Netflix series (e.g., Riverdale).

Last year, I was suffering from a very bad reading slump because the book I was reading (Timeline by Michael Crichton) felt really dragging + I am so hooked to Friends and other Netflix shows! I am sort of disappointed with Timeline, though, because I feel like it has so much to offer. After reading half of the book, I decided to just put it down for a while because I really have a lot of books on my TBR.

Currently, I’m reading the second book in the Robert Langdon series by Dan Brown and I’m almost halfway through it. As usual, the fast-paced writing style of Dan Brown kept me up at night. I’m so excited to read all the books in this series.

This post has been more like an update re: my reading status, the reading slump was also the reason why I have nothing to write for my Stuff I’ve Been Reading Lately series. I’ll make up to it next month, I promise.

My 2020 BDJ Planner

I’m one of those people who collected stickers to claim that famous Starbucks planner and got mine a few weeks before Christmas.

Little did I know that I will be receiving another planner and guess what? It’s personalized with my name on it! Not only that, it also has more coupons than that of Starbucks’. I’m so happy!

Its design is also so dear to me, I’m in love. Belle de Jour’s theme for this year is the Universe, so their design is mainly composed of the moon, the sun, planets, and stars.

Way back 2012, I’ve had one of these planners which was also just given to me by one of my blockmates for our exchange gift. They didn’t have a lot of designs back then, but I do remember loving the content of the planner.

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One thing that I love about this planner is that there are a lot of activities inside which can help me track my bills, savings, and even my menstrual cycle! Other activities consist of helping you stay calm and keep dreaming. For me, these activities will help me enhance my writing skills, give me a lot of new ideas, keep me thinking positive thoughts (which is good for my mental health).

The booklet beside the planner in the photo is full of coupons from so many stores. It’s perfect for all the girls out there — there are a lot of coupons for makeup, skincare, spas, etc. The planner also comes with a BDJ card which can be used for other discounts.

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Next year, I won’t be collecting Starbucks stickers anymore. I’ll just buy another BDJ planner because it’s so worth it.

For more details about this planner, visit this link: https://shop.ilovebdj.com/

My Skin Care Routine

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When I first met most of my friends from college, and from work, the one question that almost everyone of them asked was: “What do you put on your face?” or “How do you take care of your skin?”

Before, I only use toner at the end of each day because I always thought that why do I need to put a lot of those products on my face when my skin’s really not acne-prone, anyway? That’s where I’m wrong. Some two or three years ago, I came to the realization that despite not having pimples, I have a mildly dry skin. So I started researching about what products to use, which brand works, etc. Continue reading

The Start & End of A Decade

As we closed another year, we dive not only into a new year but into a new decade and looking back at the past years made me realize how much I went through to survive it. It’s crazy how it feels like 10 years just passed by way too fast. I didn’t even notice that I’ve been out of college for five whole years now. It’s insane.

I started the decade fresh out of high school and wandered my way through college with high hopes for what the future holds for me. I’ve met so many people along the way, and ended the decade with very few real ones and maybe that’s for the best.

I’m ending the decade right after my quarter-life crisis year — 2019 wasn’t easy, and I really hope I find my way through it because, like most people, I’ve also done things that I’m not really proud of. But I do look forward to accepting life and getting over the things that at the back of my head, I know I can never really change anymore.

As everyone’s posting about the successes they’ve achieved in the past 10 years on social media, I’m just here — writing about how proud I am of myself for graduating on time, finding a job, getting over and moving on from things that no longer serve my higher being, losing people, finding the love of my life, trying my best to see the light amidst all the darkness, grasping for air every time life tries to kick me until I run out of breath, and basically surviving and keeping myself alive.

It was a great decade, nonetheless. Not as easy as it seems, but definitely worth it. Again, happy new year! May we spend 2020 learning to finally loving ourselves and making our dreams come true. ♥

2020, Here I Come

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Like many other years that have passed, 2019 has been full of challenges, laughter, tears, surprises, and so much more. So what truly made it different from all the past years?

For me it goes like: This year was full of firsts. It’s been a year of surprises and going-aways and basically trying my best to live my life as best as possible. Continue reading

Yuletide Season 2019

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Merry Christmas, everyone! I know this is a bit late and I’ve been on some kind of a hiatus for a couple of days without any warning post of sorts.

So maybe I owe everyone an explanation: My last work day of the year was on December 20 and that week was also the busiest as we’ve got a deadline to meet. It was also my first time staying up all night just to wait for our documents to be released.

After that week, it’s been my family’s tradition to spend Christmas at my grandparents’ house in Tagaytay. Aside from having limited access to the internet, we were all too busy preparing for Noche Buena and going places.

So setting all the explanation aside, I hope all of you have had an awesome Christmas! My cousins and I spent Christmas Eve watching Doctor Sleep while having a couple of drinks with my aunt and uncle over our DIY Samgyupsal.

Here’s a photo of what our little Noche Buena looked like:

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Thoughts on Book Clubs & Book Buddies

I grew up with only books by my side.

Growing up, I was never allowed to go out with friends on Friday night outs or movie nights. So I ended up spending most of my Friday nights (and weekends) inside my room exploring the world through the magic of books. I find solace in the fact that even when I don’t get to go out all that much, I get to learn things about places I’ve never been to.

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