I’m Not Sure of Anything

I was never sure of anything and I don’t think I ever will be, but damn, I am so sure of you.

I’m not sure if writing really is the thing I’m good at, but I’m sure I want you to read everything I write. Every once in a while, I question myself if I really am good at writing and I always end up thinking of you and how you always say you love reading my articles and I know I can never stop writing because of you.

I’m not sure my opinions matter, but I want you to hear it anyway. I always have a lot of things bottled up in my head and I was never comfortable in sharing it with anyone, but when you came, I was so sure I want to tell you everything. It’s just a matter of time before I pour every damn thought I have for you to hear it, but I’m slowly learning to let it out. For you.

I’m not sure how each day would turn out, but I’m sure I want to talk to you about it. Waking up in the morning has always been a struggle, but knowing that I would be able to talk to you about how bad or great my days are at the end of the day keeps me going.

I’m not sure where I’m going to be five or 10 years from now, but I’m sure I wanna be there with you. I don’t know what the future holds and where I would end up, but I know I want you to be there with me, wherever “there” is.

I’m not sure what will happen between us, but I’m sure you’re worth all the risk. I can’t really tell what the future holds for us, but I know we’ll do everything in our power to make things work. We can’t tell if you’re going to break my heart or not, but right now, I know you make my heart whole.

I’m not sure of a lot of things, but one thing I’m sure of is that I want to wake up one day, with you beside me. I’m not sure if happy endings do exist, but I’m so damn sure that I want you to be my happily ever after. I’m sure you’re worth fighting for.

On #Halalan2016

I don’t normally talk or post about these things on the internet because I believe that we all have different views and reasons why we support a certain candidate, but suddenly I just felt the need to share my opinion on this because it’s really starting to bother me. By posting this, I know a lot of people will question everything I am about to say.   

I know I don’t really have the power to alter people’s choices (sino ba naman ako to do that?), but please, try to hear me out. We do not need dictatorship or a revolutionary government to start change. We don’t need to depend change on one person, change starts with each and everyone of us, if only we are willing to act upon it. I understand that most Filipinos are sick and tired of waiting to actually “see and feel” the change they want. But do we really need to settle for another dictatorship just because we hate the current administration? Remember, we have fought so long for the freedom we now have, tapos gusto nyo ibalik sa dati? Let’s not make the same mistake twice. I know that in writing this, madaming magagalit sakin since madami syang supporters and they might see this post as something relating to “paninira” and they might even think na “ano bang pinagsasabi nitong tangang to”, but seriously, I’m just trying to point something out, I’m just sharing my opinion.

Given that this country needs order, but I don’t think we need it this way. We need peace and order, not order and chaos. Remember that. I’m sure and I believe that we can find another way to solve all these problems. Let’s not go that far, to the point that we are willing to accept and settle for shoot to kill protocols, killings, NPA invading Manila, destruction of human rights. No. We don’t need that. Sasabihin nung iba, “If the blood belongs to criminals, then why not?” Really? What happened to thou shalt not kill? Hindi natin kailangan mabuhay sa takot para magtino. Napakababa naman nating tao kung ganun.

Do we really need someone who speaks in a language our parents never wanted us to use? Oo, I’m no saint and I curse too, but when it comes to speeches and serious matters, is that the right way to speak? Oo, sige ganyan ka na eh. I believe na we don’t need to change in order to please everyone, pero you’re running to be the next president of the country. At least try to filter your words.

Do we really need someone who throws jokes about sensitive issues such as rape? Sasabihin nung iba, “Banal kayo no? You’re taking a joke too seriously,” but the point is, rape is not a joke and no one ever has the right to joke about it. I personally really didn’t find it funny. Konting comment nga sa pictures natin at konting tingin ng mga lalake sa kalye, nagagalit tayo diba? Because they’re rude. Eh pano kung sabihin nila sainyo na joke lang din yun kasi idol nila si Mayor, eh? That those nasty comments and stares are just jokes? Sa kakaganyan ng tao, nagiging joke na yung, “Sana marape ka,” it has come to a point that it affected people’s views and way of delivering a joke. Akala nila nakakatuwa, sasabihin masyado namang butthurt mga tao. But what if it was said to someone you love? Your mother or your sister or your girlfriend or your wife? Would you still find it funny?

Do we really need someone who talks shit about religion? All these years, gusto natin respetuhin yung mga beliefs natin kasi iba iba naman yan diba. Yet here we are, choosing someone who divides us rather than unite us. We’re choosing someone who doesn’t care about our beliefs. Believe me, hindi ako kasing active nung iba when it comes to religious matters, pero I still have faith. I still believe. I’m still Catholic and I stand with my church.

Do we really need someone who would kill without due process? Pano pag napagbintangan lang? Patay talaga agad? Pano pag ikaw yun? Well, siguro you love and preach him so much that you are willing to die kahit wala kang kasalanan. But not me.

He even mentioned in one of his interviews na ipapapatay nya yung mga “madadaldal ang bunganga” (his exact words), so kung bukas makalawa, patay na ko, alam nyo na ha? At least I’ve had the chance to speak up before I die. Sasabihin nanaman na joke lang yun at masyadong sineseryoso ng mga tao, okay po! Kahit wala syang sinabi na joke lang yun and he walked away right after saying it. I could go on and on in explaining why I am not in favor of him, pero baka abutin ako ng eleksyon kaya tama na.

I’m scared of what will happen in the next few days. And don’t get me started with that, “Bakit may kasalanan ka ba? Takot ka bang makulong?” because that’s nothing but pure BS. I’m scared because we are putting the country at risk and everyone is still too blind to see it; we are saying goodbye to democracy, saying goodbye to our economy, saying goodbye to human rights.

Let’s not settle for someone like him just because we hate the current administration. Let’s not close our minds. But as I said in the beginning of this post, I cannot alter people’s choices, all I can say is, vote wisely and pray harder.

Love Changes

The first time you fall in love, it will be stomach-turning and you cannot explain or even comprehend what the hell you’re feeling. Everytime you’re with that person, you feel like your heart is going to leap out of your chest. You feel an infinite nervousness when he is near you; when he holds your hand, you feel like every source of electricity in the world is in that connection, that moment. When he kisses your cheek for the first time, you feel like nothing else in the world matters. You don’t know what’s going to happen, but you don’t care about the future because what matters most is the present and you think that nothing can ever go wrong. 

Until the universe hits you hard on the head, and suddenly, everything’s gone. You’re left with nothing but a broken heart, puffed eyes and wet pillows. You don’t know where to go from this point and all you wanna do is stay in bed and mope and think of every negative thing in the world. You will feel like you will never get over it, never feel better or even okay again.

But then, love will find you again. It would be like the first time, only this time, you’d look at it a little differently from the perspective of having your heart broken. You’re unsure whether to give your full trust to that person, you’re going to doubt and wonder if this will all be worth it but before you know it, you’ve already fallen deep into its pits once again. The butterflies would be there again, you’ll feel like you’re on top of the world because who can say no to love? It’s amazing and wonderful in so many ways.

But once again, the universe decided you’re never meant to be with that someone. It will pull you apart and would leave you shattered on your bedroom floor, crying. But then again, you’d feel the difference. It doesn’t hurt as much as it did the first time and you’ll realize that heartbreaks get easier and bearable sometimes. You’ll finally accept that there’s no such thing as forever; that people come and go and most of all, you’ll realize that most of the time, people change and sometimes they turn out to be the very exact person they swore they’d never be.

Of course, after all the twist and turns, you will love again. And I tell you, it will be different. He doesn’t make you feel nervous; doesn’t make you half-guess what you’re feeling. He doesn’t catch you off guard nor sweep you off your feet. What he makes you feel instead is calmness. Your heart is at peace, you feel like everything is finally falling into place. He isn’t leading the way, but walking beside you. This time, you’re not asking him to fix every piece of you that has been broken in the past because he accepts you as you are, flaws and all, and you accept him just the same. This time, you’re working on this long stretch of a path together, hand in hand. And most of all, not only does the present matter, this time, the future matters too.

Finally, you are no longer loving recklessly, but purposefully.

You’re the moon that lights up the night sky. 
Beautiful, mysterious and so full of power.

You are a book that I’ll never get tired of reading.

You are the song that plays on my mind every now and then.
The song that my heart knows very well.

You are the Christmas day that I’ve been waiting all year to come;
so jolly and full of life.

You are a garden full of flowers that I can spend all afternoon just staring at.

You are the rainbow that awaits every storm.
A collision of colors so beautiful it gives hope.

You are an implosion of diamonds that sparkles in every corner of my life.

You are that one thing I have that resembles to every beautiful thing in the world.

You are a miracle; a touch of heaven on earth.
And I am so happy to be the one to have found you.

To All The Girls Whose Hearts Were Broken

To All The Girls Whose Hearts Were Broken By The Man They Thought Would Never Hurt Them,

How have you been lately? Aren’t you tired of crying yourself to sleep almost every night after he left? I hope you are because no matter how much you cry or how much sleep you lose, it wouldn’t change the fact that he’s gone. Stop waking up every morning with the hope that he will hit your phone up or will change his mind, instead, do something that will change the way you see things. Focus on yourself and figure out how to get over this mess you’re in.

I know it hurts. I know how much it hurts to accept it, I know how much it hurts to be replaced and I know how much it hurts to be betrayed. I know, because I’ve been there. I know that you’re still trying to understand how all this happened and how you didn’t know about it. I know that you’re still trying to blame yourself for not being good enough for him.

I know how hard it is to let go, move on, forgive and forget. It’s never too easy to do all those things at once, especially when you’ve poured your heart out loving him, especially when you’ve invested so much for the relationship to work. I know how hard it is to let go of something you once thought would last forever.

But the thing is, people change and sometimes, they turn out to be the person they swore they’d never be. Sometimes, they turn into this monster you’ve always been afraid of and you should know that. You should learn to realize that this person, the one who’s causing you so much pain isn’t the same person you fell in love with all those years or months back. Don’t let the same face confuse you because what’s important is what lies inside.

One thing I thought of during that tragic experience that helped me move on is this: Do I want to be stuck here for the rest of my life? Do I want to spend all my waking hours with this monster? No. And at that point, I knew that I should walk away and I did. Without looking back, without second thoughts. I let him go and let him be with the other girl. I did not lose, though. To tell you the truth, I won. Because I found my freedom and I turned out to be stronger, better and wiser.

So to everyone who doesn’t think they can do it, I’m writing this for you to tell you that you can and you will get over it. There’s so many things out there to be happy about, don’t let yourself stay in a situation where all you feel is pain. Spread out your wings, it may be a little bit bent but you can still fly.

#LabanPilipinas: National Team Pool

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Today, the PBA Board of Governors released 17 players to the national team pool making them the available players for Gilas Pilipinas in the Olympic wildcard qualifiers in July 2016.

The players released by the PBA Board of Governors are LA Tenorio, Japeth Aguilar, Calvin Abueva, Terrence Romeo, Marcio Lassiter, Greg Slaughter, June Mar Fajardo, Gabe Norwood, Jayson Castro, Paul Lee, Matt Rosser, Ryan Reyes, Marc Pingris, Ian Sangalang, Troy Rosario, Ranidel de Ocampo and Jeff Chan.

The Samahan Basketbol ng Pilipinas (SBP) shall release a final line-up of 12 players to include the naturalized player by the end of January 2016.

Starting in November, the players will start preparing for the Olympic Qualifiers with a schedule of Monday practices before they step up on their training in June.

#RoadtoRio2016 is real.

5 Things

  • Learn to forgive those who hurt you. Easier said than done, I know. It may be hard not to hate the person who’ve caused you a very deep cut but you will never be free from something unless you accept the situation and forgive the people who caused it. Don’t stress over the things you can’t change.
  • You can’t please everyone. Not everyone will like you, there will always be people who will say something about you no matter how much you try to please them so just be yourself and do what you do. As long as you’re not doing anything bad, keep going.
  • Try to understand others before you judge them. Stop judging people for the things they do for you do not know what they’re going through. Put yourself in their shoes first.
  • Accept your mistakes. Always accept your mistakes and apologize for the damage you’ve done.
  • You won’t get everything you want. It is not because you do not deserve it but because you deserve something else, something better for you. You just have to fully accept that not everything you want is good for you. 

Five Songs I’ve Been Obsessing Over Lately

These songs aren’t really new but these are the songs that have had me going cray in the past two weeks or so. It’s just the right mix and clash of OPM and foreign pop rock. Enjoy listening!

1. Sa Ibang Mundo – Nadine Lustre & Kean Cipriano

2. Comeback Kid – Against the Current

3. Talk – Against the Current

4. Almost Is Never Enough – Ariana Grande ft. Nathan Sykes

5. Pasensya Ka Na – Silent Sanctuary

These are songs that have given me so much feels lately. 🙂

#LabanPilipinas

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When the list of members for the Gilas 3.0 were out, everyone doubted this team, everyone kept looking for other players from the 2.0 team two years ago. Yes, I loved Gilas 2.0, but I love this team just as much. I never doubted you guys since day 1. Each and everyone of you were what the team needed and with the help of the right and awesome coach.

As the FIBA Asia 2015 began, you never failed to prove to everyone who doubted you that by having the strongest hearts and the biggest faith, you can do it, that you can fight until the end. It was such a happy feeling for me that you have come so far. You are truly our heroes.

You may have not brought home the gold and you may think that you guys ‘fell short’, but to me, to us, you guys are the real Champions. Silver may not be as good to you as gold, but believe me, you have earned so much more than what ‘gold’ is made of. You earned the respect and hearts of almost every Filipino in different parts of the world.

I may be just one of the millions of fans out there, but I just want to let you all know how proud I am of everything you’ve accomplished. You’ve been through so much since you left the country and now that you’re back, please know that your journey has just started.

We all know what happened back in China and let us not talk about it no more, let’s just use this experience as motivation to win next time!

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Walang bibitaw, walang susuko. Laban Pilipinas! PUSO!

Photo: FIBA