life | Lenn of Spades ♠

I can stand talking to those people that I know says something behind my back, those people who has never been really my “friend”.

But when it comes to those people whom I least expect to do such, I can’t stand talking to them unless badly needed. I can’t even look at them for a long time, because it hurts. It hurts to know that the ones whom you’ve trusted so much, the ones whom you thought will never do it to you, actually did. I have the urge to stay away, to back off — to distance myself from them. I have been remote in some ways.

Life has always been like this. As soon as happiness gets to you, you should ready yourself for something that will sadden you. Life has a tendency of fucking things up when you’re at your most happy state.

This is a very awful post for a Sunday evening. I’m sorry.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer someday. But everything changed when I entered high school, I still remember how our English teacher required each of us to have and write on a diary daily for the whole year. And without it, our clearance wouldn’t be signed at the end of the academic year. I remember how I complained on why we need to do such. But after writing for days, I’ve learned to love what I was doing and I realized that I wanted to write. My opinions, feelings and thoughts about a certain topic. But most of all, I wanted to write for other people, I wanted to make a difference, to inspire the whole world. And from then on, I knew I wanted to be a Journalist.

Only, my parents didn’t have the same mind set as I have about this, they have always been concerned about my future job and the money I could have earned if I took up a much better course. And since I don’t have much of a choice, because it’s their money that I’ll be using for college, I am now an Information Technology student and it gets harder everyday, I’ve been forcing this course to like me and I’ve also been forcing myself to like it for three years now. It has always been hard for me to put my heart in this course when I should be out there, writing.