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About Lenn

I write about my personal thoughts, experiences, and bookish fixations.

“I Didn’t Ask to Be Born”: On Carrying a Weight That Was Never Mine

I came across this passage in a book recently—“I didn’t ask to be born though, and you don’t get to treat me how you do.” And something in me went still. Not because it was new, but because it echoed a truth I’ve carried for so long I almost forgot it had a name.

I never asked to be born.

None of us did.

Whatever decisions, impulses, accidents, prayers, or circumstances led to my existence—none of them were mine. I wasn’t consulted. I wasn’t invited into the room. I simply arrived, handed a life I didn’t choose, expectations I didn’t shape, and burdens that somehow ended up feeling like debts. Continue reading

The Things We Don’t Say Out Loud

We talk so much about dementia—how heartbreaking it is, how heavy it must feel to slowly lose pieces of yourself. And I agree. I truly do. My heart aches for anyone who has to live inside that confusion, that fog, that unpredictable shifting of reality.

But there’s another side to it that we don’t talk about as often.

A quieter story.

A softer kind of ache. Continue reading

🧡 The Warmth of Tanned Pages: A Book’s Character

The crisp, bright white of a brand-new book will always have its own charm—clean, untouched, and full of quiet promise. But there’s a different kind of magic in pages that have tanned or even foxed over time. That soft amber glow and those faint, freckled specks—born from years of light, humidity, and simply existing on someone’s shelf—feel like the book’s own story unfolding alongside the one printed on its pages.

And here’s the thing: we all have our preferences when it comes to the books we collect. Some love that pristine, barely-opened look. Others gravitate toward the warm, seasoned feel of a volume that’s clearly lived. Personally, I love both. I’ve been reading literally since I can remember—from stuffed cloth books for babies, to thick cardboard storybooks for toddlers, to chapter books for intermediate readers, to fantasy novels and beyond. Naturally, a lot of my older books have tanned (and even foxed) through the years, and that never made me love them any less. If anything, it made them feel more mine.

A tanned or foxed page is a mark of time and testimony. Every shade of cream or brown, every tiny constellation of reddish spots, hints at where the book has been—moments by a sunlit window, evenings under a lamp, or entire seasons resting quietly on a shelf. And then there’s that familiar “old book smell”—lignin gently breaking down into that soft, vanilla-like scent that feels like being welcomed home.

The texture shifts too. The paper softens ever so slightly, turning velvety under your thumb. Holding a timeworn book feels like touching a memory.

And honestly, I’m really glad dehumidifiers exist these days. They help keep books from deteriorating too quickly, prevent mold, and slow down foxing and excessive tanning—especially in humid climates like what we have in the Philippines. But even then, time will still leave its gentle mark. Books will still age, still tan, still evolve in their own quiet ways.

In a world obsessed with the spotless and replaceable, a book softened by years carries a kind of steady authenticity. It says:

“I’ve been read. I’ve been loved. I’ve lasted.”

Dog-ears, faint smudges, tiny rings from forgotten cups—none of these diminish the experience; they enrich it. And whether you prefer crisp white pages or warm, timeworn ones, there’s beauty in both. One is the beginning, the other is the becoming.

The Water Teaches You Twice: From Competition to Connection

I used to be a fast swimmer—competitive, powerful, and always racing the clock. Back then, everything was about speed, about shaving off seconds, about proving how far and how fast I could go. There was a thrill in it, an almost electric rush that came with the sound of the whistle, the push off the wall, and the relentless pursuit of the finish line.

These days, my pace is different. I move slower in the water, not because I’ve lost my love for swimming, but because my relationship with it has changed. Ever since I discovered freediving and shifted my focus to breath-hold and efficiency, I’ve learned that swimming isn’t only about power—it’s also about presence.

I won’t lie: sometimes I do miss the adrenaline of competition, the structure of training programs, and the satisfaction of measurable progress. But freediving gave me something I didn’t know I was missing. It showed me the beauty of silence, of slowing down, of letting the water hold me instead of constantly pushing against it.

Swimming in a pool and swimming in the ocean are two completely different experiences. A pool is measured, predictable, neatly divided by lanes and time. The ocean, on the other hand, is vast and alive—always shifting, never the same twice. Both test you, but freediving has taught me a deeper kind of discipline: to be still, to listen closely, to surrender control, and trust the water in a way I never did before.

It’s no longer about racing against the clock—it’s about finding calm in the depths, about moving in harmony with something greater than myself. And in that stillness, I’ve found a freedom I never felt, even at my fastest.

Jiufen: A Spirited Stroll

Jiufen, Taiwan ~ I truly enjoyed the ambiance of this little mountain town. Now I completely understand why people always say that Jiufen gives off Studio Ghibli vibes—because it genuinely does! Wandering through its narrow, winding alleys felt like stepping into a whimsical, animated world. The red lanterns swaying in the breeze, the old tea houses perched on the hillside, and the mist rolling in from the mountains all create a dreamy, almost otherworldly atmosphere. Continue reading

🔖 A Bookmark in Beitou

One of the highlights of our visit to Taiwan was spending time at the Taipei Public Library in Beitou District. It was another surreal moment for me, as I used to only see it in photos—and now I can say that I’ve seen it in person and can attest to its beautiful architecture. Nestled in the heart of Beitou Park, this stunning eco-friendly library is often praised as one of the greenest buildings in Taiwan—and stepping inside, it’s easy to see why it’s so beloved by locals and travelers alike.

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Taiwan Diaries: Bookstore No. 1 – Eslite Bookstore

We arrived in Taipei just an hour before lunchtime, so we decided to dedicate the rest of the day to roaming around Ximending. We visited Don Don Donki, Jinart, Pop Mart, and other stores. We also had dinner at one of the local noodle and dumpling places called Xiao Xiao Hong Dumplings & Soup Dumplings (小小虹水餃小湯包). 🥟

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Meteor Garden Fever

Meteor Garden (Taiwanese) had me in an intense chokehold when it aired in the Philippines back in 2003—I was absolutely obsessed. I remember begging my family to buy me all sorts of merch, from posters and keychains to photo cards and T-shirts—every member of my family can attest to this. It was such a huge part of my childhood, shaping my early teenage daydreams and giving me my first taste of Asianovela fever before I even knew what that was! So, finally getting to see National Chung Cheng University (Ying De in the series) in person—one of the most iconic filming locations—felt so surreal that I almost wanted to cry. Continue reading

Finding My Voice Again: Writing with More Heart

You might have noticed a shift in my writing style lately—and it’s very much intentional. I’ve been trying to write with more depth and genuine passion, letting my words carry more of what I truly feel and see. Looking back at some of my older posts, especially about our travels, I realized how much they lacked the heart and honesty I wanted them to have. Many of them felt rushed, a bit messy, and honestly, I rarely took the time to proofread. I used to just hit “publish” without a second thought, eager to share but not really caring how my words came across.

I’ve come to understand that writing, like any other craft, needs time, patience, and care. I don’t want my creative writing skills to become rusty or forgotten, especially when writing has always been such an important part of who I am. So I’m making it a point to slow down—to practice more, to revisit what I’ve learned from my past courses and certifications, and to simply enjoy the process again.

These days, I find myself paying more attention to the small details: the way a place made me feel, the fleeting moments that deserve to be remembered, the words that can bring a memory back to life. It’s not about writing something perfect—it’s about capturing something real, something that feels true to me.

In many ways, this change feels like coming home to myself. It’s a promise to keep nurturing this side of me, to write not just for the sake of sharing but also for the joy of creating. I hope you feel that shift when you read my posts now—more thoughtful, a bit more raw, and hopefully a lot more me.

𝗗𝘂𝗺𝗮𝗴𝘂𝗲𝘁𝗲 𝗔𝗿𝘁 & 𝗟𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲

Dumaguete has long been a haven for art, literature, and culture, drawing creatives from all over the Philippines and beyond. There’s just something about the city’s laid-back vibe, rich history, and strong academic presence that makes it the perfect place for artistic expression to thrive.

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